Choosing A Practitioner

Who's Going To Help Me Heal?

 

Over the years I have seen a variety of therapists and holistic practitioners, all in an attempt to help me heal from PTSD.  Different stages of my healing process required and still does require different practitioners.  Some people may be lucky enough to have one practitioner through their entire healing process.  Some may prefer just one.  I find it useful to work with different people based on their professional as well as their life experience.  However, it is not always easy to discern the level of empathy, compassion or integrity of some practitioners until there has been a face to face meeting and sometimes  it takes more than one.

 

How Do You Feel When You Are With Your Practitioner?

 

Recently, I visited with a practitioner who seemed to have quite a bit of business flowing his way.  He worked in a beautiful location surrounded by absolute serenity.  I was a little apprehensive because every time I stood in the same room with this man, I felt a little tightness in my chest.  I did not know why.  He seemed nice and very knowledgeable, so I chose to ignore my feelings.  I made an appointment with him anyway and was looking very forward to relaxing and allowing him to work his magic hands on me.  

I filled out a standard form regarding medications and general information this type of practitioner would be looking for, going against my instinct which told me not to expose myself, not this time.   One thing I noticed right off the bat were some pretty hefty promises about how I would feel later that evening.  But there I was, and the session began.  Beautiful music.  Beautiful surroundings.  Not a word.  Ahhh...relax, I told myself.  You're all in a tizzy about nothing, right?   I wish.

 

When A Practitioner Goes Outside Their Field Of Expertise

 

After the session, he wanted to speak with me about what he noticed.  When he started speaking, I finally got what my instinct was trying to tell me.  Judgement.  That's what I was feeling.  I felt like I was being judged.  And the more he talked, the tighter my chest grew.  He was talking to me as if he knew my life's story, delving into very personal space, space I was not ready to share with him, space and history which he knew absolutely nothing about.  It went on and on.  More judgement about my life and how I should feel and what I should do, how I should speak when referring to my own life experiences.  By the time I left, I felt so unempowered and so small.  And there he was, thinking he did me this huge favor.  He cured me! His ego was so big, he didn't even realize how what he said and how he said it might have affected me. 

And this is the problem I have noticed from time to time with practitioners.  They step outside of their expertise into areas they know nothing about.  As a result, the client walks away wondering what just happened.  Sometimes people who work in the healing arena have not cleaned up their own stuff.  They've helped a few people.  They might have a little following and bam!  They've got a deity complex.  Never having completed the inner work in their own lives, they set out to heal others, but the ego has grown too big and gets in the way of the true talent that awaits them.

 

What To Look For In A Practitioner

 

1.  Got instincts?  Listen to'em.  If you are feeling like you may not be a match, keep looking.  There is someone out there just for you.

2.  Check with other practitioners in the area.  Most practitioners will not bad mouth other practitioners, but you can get a sense of what type of person you are about to see.  If the practitioner you are about to see is well  respected in his/her field, most of his/her colleagues will gladly recommend this person.  It is useful to check with several other people in a similar field.

3.  Check with past clients, if you happen to know any.  Poke around.  Ask questions.  You will get a good idea whether the practitioner might be a good fit for you. 

4.  When you finally do see someone, check in with how you feel.  Do you feel empowered?  If not, keep looking.  They may have a great deal of talent, but may not be  right for you. 

5.  You'll know when you've hit the jackpot.  That little voice tells you, "This practitioner is working from his/her highest good."  You'll know it because you'll feel it.  Never minimize your feelings.  Your heart always tells you the truth.

 

If you have any useful tips on finding a good practitioner, please feel free to share below.

 

 

Yoga Travels

Take Your Yoga Mat With You

 

I recently travelled to Germany and Italy.  My suitcase weighed next to nothing so I was able to pack everything under the sun...and my yoga mat, which fit quite nicely folded on top of my clothes.  If you don't want to pack the mat in your suitcase, there are plenty of yoga mat bags and carrying straps that would allow you keep your mat with you at all times.  I, however, did not want to carry mine with me.  Some would argue that you could buy a mat when you arrive at your destination, but with the dollar not being so strong right now, it wasn't really an option for me.  So I packed a very inexpensive lightweight mat and off I went.

 

Childs Pose Helps Soothe The Back As Well As The Emotions

 

And boy was I glad I did.  Travelling overnight on the plane and packed in like a sardine, I found myself feeling exhausted and emotional as I do not sleep well on planes, particularly if I am sitting up in a chair.  A few hours after we arrived, I was really feeling tight in the hips.  We went straight to visiting family so there was no time to rest.  I opened my bag, broke out the yoga mat and immediately began to stretch right there in front of everyone. I began in childs pose to relieve  my back from sitting for nine hours, breathing nice deep breathes to release the tension from the plane and lack of sleep.  A little Surya Namaskar, warmup, some upward side stretches to open the hips, utthita parsvakonasana, some back bends, and then right to headstand. 

 

Headstand To Calm Down

 

Ahh...the glorious headstand.  Calms me down.  Helps me center.  Right there while everyone was chit chatting, the headstand was having an immediate effect on my parasympathetic nervous system.  The family went outside to talk and things became very quiet.  I could hear myself breathe.  Everything began to slow down and become even.  Wanting to open my heart to receive my relatives with love, I lay over a couple of pillows in modified fish pose.  Now that feels great after a long plane ride.  After 30 minutes of stretching, I lay in savasna, corpse pose, for 10 minutes listening to divine mother chants, allowing me the temporary rest I needed to really enjoy the day. That evening I went back to my hotel room and practiced one hour of gentle yoga using my yoga strap and some hotel pillows.  I practiced everyday I was away and you know what I found?  I enjoyed the time with my family so much more.  I just felt better.

 

Your Body Will Thank You For Practicing Yoga Everyday While You're Away

(Picture taken above Via Krupp  Capri, Italy)

 

[caption id="attachment_358" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="My Not So Graceful Natarajasana"][/caption]

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Things My Mother Knows

[caption id="attachment_349" align="aligncenter" width="208" caption="Mom and Me Ready For a Swim"][/caption]

   

I remember my mother holding my hand when I was little.  She held me on her lap and was never short of kisses.  She took me to the beach, played games with me, cheered for me, stuck up for me, watched Mighty Mouse with me and waited for me to come home from school everyday just so she could give me a treat and lot's of love.  

Her mother was also very loving, as was her grandmother despite the hardships they all endured.  It has been passed down from generation to generation, this great display of motherly love.  My mother lives next door to me now, always ready to give a helping hand and encouragement, take a walk with me, or just sit on the porch with a cup of coffee prepared to unload whatever thoughts she is pondering.  

    

Forgiveness Is Key

 

But what I remember most growing up is what she said to me when I was feeling low; "Forgive them Donna.  Pray for them."  For many years, I did not understand how to forgive.  I would close my eyes, bow my head, and ask God to help me forgive "them".  A good start, but I did not feel it.  I couldn't figure out why I wasn't feeling what I thought I should be feeling, relief.  

Then one day, I was looking in the mirror criticizing myself for not being as pretty as the other girls.  Surely that must have been why they didn't show up to my party.  I was not developed. I still liked sleepovers and M&M's and pillow fights.  According to everyone else, I was anything but cool.  I couldn't stand the sight of myself.  Then,  my mother walked into my room, looked at me very gently and said, " You are so beautiful to me.  I wish you could see what I see."    

    

My Mother Wanted Me To Love Myself As Much As She Loved Me

 

And in that moment, not fully aware, but getting the gist, I realized there was a component to that "forgive them" thing.  I also had to forgive myself, a lesson I keep reminding myself to live every day.  If something pops up that feels hurtful like an unpleasant memory or when I find that I am judging other people or myself, I stop what I am doing, close my eyes and forgive myself.  And, as my mother always told me, pray for the other person.  I literally ask God to make the other person's day better.  And you know what I find?  Relief and peace.  

 

[caption id="attachment_348" align="aligncenter" width="268" caption="My Beautiful Mother and Me"][/caption]

Pulling Emotional Weeds

Weeds: If You Don't Get The Root, They Just Keep Coming Up!

 

I worked in my yard most of this week pulling weeds.  Twice a year, I sprinkle weed tamer, ( I call it tamer because I don't like the word killer), and fertilizer on my grass as directed by the package it all comes in, and low and behold, up come the weeds.  This year was particularly weed fruitful, much like my life and the lives of so many.

Sometimes it feels very frustrating because every time I pull a weed, another one seems to show its tall neck as if to say, "Over here honey.  You missed it. Gotta dig a little deeper this time."  Some weeds are easy to pull.  They come up and are almost relieved to let go, easy to handle.  Others absolutely refuse to come out of the ground, showing so much resistance, that you need to dig them out with a sharp metal object.  They do not seem to be so relieved.  They are stubborn and fight to the bitter end. These are the weeds that stay low to the ground, not so detectable.  They really do want to just stay there and spread, hoping not to get noticed while relentlessly  taking over the healthy grass.  But once they are out of the ground, there is space for new healthy grass to grow.

 

When The Weeds of Life Overwhelm You, Be Easy With Yourself

 

Hmmm...where do you think I'm going with all of this?  You guessed it.  Life has lumps and bumps...and weeds.  Some are easy to pull, some take a little more digging.  I think we all know, if you don't dig up the root, they just keep coming back and they show up over and over, growing taller or wider by the day.

We all want the grass to be green and perfect, disease free, and full of luster.  But it doesn't always work out that way, no matter what we do or how much we try to control what is going on around us.  Be easy with yourself.  Pull a few and then rest in the grass.  Then dig up a few and rest in the grass.  And before you know it, your lawn and the way you feel when you lay down upon the earth will feel really wonderful.  You are loved and supported and the grass really is very green.

Please feel free to share your metaphors in the comment box below.

 

Inversions Take The Edge Off

Take The Edge Off:  Do A Headstand

   

The other day, I spent the day cleaning my house.  It seemed every time I mopped up the floor, five minutes later there were little trails of dirt forming a line straight to my 7-year-old son's room.  At first I thought maybe I missed a spot or two.  But then it kept on happening over and over.  What's the definition of insanity?  Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.  Naturally, I was frustrated.  He didn't mean to keep dragging the dirt in, but he's 7, hello!  

I know this seems minor in the grand scheme of things, but what I did next can help with all types of frustration.  I went into my sun room, promptly layed out a mat and went into a headstand.  The effects of practicing head stand are amazingly beneficial.  

    

The Benefits of Headstand

 

Improves many ailments such as:  

 Nervousness, tension, fatigue, sleeplessness, dullness, fear, poor blood circulation, bad memory, asthma, headaches, constipation, congested throat, liver or spleen, the initial stages of eye and nose troubles, and general lack of energy, vitality or self-confidence.   

Headstands stimulate our pituitary, pineal, thyroid and parathyroid glands relieving the body of physical and mental stress.  In short, headstands can get you out of a tizzy and assist your body in operating at an optimnal level!  

In general, hanging upside down helps calms the nerves and helps us get through emotional upsets.  

    

[caption id="attachment_319" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="Beautiful Day For A Headstand"][/caption]

   

   

Viparita Karani: Relax Your Way Out of A Tizzy

   

Not into headstands?  No worries.   If you have a block, bolster, or pillow handy, you can practice Viparita Karani and get the same effect.  This is a restorative pose that can be held much longer.    

1.  Lie down on your back.  

2.  Bend your knees and place your feet on the floor.  

3.  Wriggle your should blades toward each other so that they feel flat on the floor.  We do this to keep the knobby-knob part of your back (cervical spine) off the floor.  Your arms can be out to the side, palms facing up, on your lower abdomen, or over head, whatever feels good to you.  

4.  Lift up your hips and slide either a block, bolster or pillow under your sacrum close to your tailbone.  Adjust for comfort.  

5.  Lift your legs so the souls of your feet are facing the ceiling.  If it feels too difficult to hold your legs up, then practice this pose so that your legs are resting against a wall.  

6.  Relax.  Soften your eyes, jaw, tongue and throat.  This pose can be held anywhere from 5-30 minutes.  

This is commonly referred to as the "Fountain of Youth" pose and it feels great.  

    

[caption id="attachment_320" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Basking in Viparita Karani"][/caption]

    

 

Healing: Making Peace With Loved Ones Past

Remembering Our Loved Ones

 

A couple of weeks ago, my sister would have been 52.  She died July 2, 1997 of an amniotic embolism.  She was 8 months pregnant with her third child when she went to the bathroom, stood up, and cried "Somethings wrong! Call 911" , dropped to the floor and tried to crawl to the phone, but could not survive the attack.  Her baby daughter never opened her eyes and died several days later.  Naturally, it was a very devastating time for me and for my family.

 

When Rape is What You Share in Common

 

For the most part, my sister and I were very close.  Although we lived very different lives, we shared something in common.  We were both raped when we were teenagers and we both held onto a lot of anger.  We constantly operated from a fear based state. Of course, we did not know that at the time.  Being in fight or flight all the time just felt normal to us.  Beating ourselves up for every little thing just felt normal.  We  judged harshly.  We judged each other.  We judged everything and everyone.  You can only imagine how exhausted we were.  We looked for ways to ease the pain, not fully understanding, the answer to living peacefully wasn't even a stones throw away.  All we really had to do was look in the mirror and let the walls fall.  Such a process, of course, is easier said than done.

 

Sometimes Anger Leads to Insight

 

My sister and had a falling out about twelve months before she died.  It wasn't a blow up and there was no yelling.  I felt I had to be honest with her about something, and while I felt peaceful about our conversation, it ended our closeness.  We were never close again.  Cordial, but not close.  In hindsight, I realize this was about the time we both began our spiritual journey, separate, but together.  We loved each other deeply and there was no doubt we both wanted to heal.  So we just let each other be.

 

Letting Go

 

We both began reading a lot of spiritual literature. We both went inward.  She was never close to my oldest sister, not as long as I can remember, not ever.  We all found ourselves walking on eggshells, careful not to light any fires.  The night she transitioned, an action that appeared to be out of the blue, she took a drive over to my oldest sister's home and tried to make amends for a lifetime of animosity suggesting to my oldest sister that they begin again, new and fresh.  She also hugged my middle sister and my parents and told everyone that she loved and appreciated them.  She went home and died several hours later.

 

Meditation Allows Us A Peaceful Connection

 

I was not there as I lived three thousand miles away, so it was very difficult, but I knew we were ok and that she loved me and she knew with no uncertainty that I loved her.  For many years and to this day, I sometimes feel her presence, her love and support.  As I sit quietly, shut my eyes and breathe, I can clearly see her laughing joyfully.  I know she has let go. I know, in the pit of my soul, she is happy and free. I can feel her gently nudging me sometimes, to go deeper, to travel inward.  Sometimes, I am nervous about letting go, about letting the walls fall, but I know that when I take the time to sit quietly, I am also happy.  I am also free.

 

[caption id="attachment_307" align="aligncenter" width="96" caption="Happy Birthday Patty! We Miss You."][/caption]

 

Food and Mood

Does Food Affect Our Mood?

 

Last weekend, my husband and I rented the documentary, "Food, Inc.".  We sat and watched, not really knowing what to expect.  Well, I can tell you, from beginning to end, we were glued to the movie.  It was really eye-opening.  The movie provoked an honest conversation between my husband and me about what we feed ourselves on a daily basis and how what we eat affects us physically and emotionally.  Below is the trailer for Food, Inc.

 

Food Inc - A Compelling Documentary About How Our Food Has Changed Over the Last 50 Years

 

Post trauma I suffered a major eating disorder, addictions, and a plethora of mood swings, not really understanding how what I was putting into my body affected my physical and mental health.  I knew I felt depressed, exhausted and hopeless for many years.  I worked out on a daily basis trying to sweat out whatever impurities, both physically and emotionally I felt I was carrying.  I did this for years and while, by most people's standards, I stayed thin and looked healthy, I continued to feel as if I would never feel alive and energetic again.  I felt depleted all the time.  As the terrible cycle repeated itself with each diet, I turned to food and alcohol to comfort myself only to end up in turmoil again and again.

  

Years before I began practicing yoga regularly, I read a lot of nutritional books, most of which, in so many words, referenced various types of food as either an enemy or a friend, sometimes both.  I found these books extremely useful.  At the time though, I didn't know anything about stores like Earth Fare, Trader Joes and Whole Foods.  I worked with what was available to me at the time.  I followed the advice of books such as the Atkins Diet, The Zone, The Sugar Buster and a host of other books capitalizing on the weight loss industry. 

Yoga Helps Raise Awareness About What We Put Into Our Bodies

  

It wasn't until I started practicing yoga that I got the, "diets don't work", message.  It became more clear as I read books like:

"The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross

"Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

"Perfect Health", and "Grow Younger, Live Longer" by Deepak Chopra

Just to name a few. 

 

Keeping a Food and Excercise Journal Is Easy and Effective

 

It was then, through steady practice of yoga and meditation, that my awareness began to rise, that I began to fully understand that what I was eating was not just affecting my weight, but was absolutely affecting my emotions, my moods and how well my body was functioning.  Every day I began journaling what I was eating, what time I was eating, and how much I was eating.  If I noticed a mood change or a change in my energy level, I wrote that down as well.  The type of excercise I did on any given day?  Well, that went into the journal as well. I did that for approximately four months.  WOW!  What a difference.  Here's what I noticed:

1.  The more I ate, the worse I felt.  More than that, as I began writing everything down, I realized how much I was actually eating.  I was eating a lot more than I thought.  I felt slow, depressed and lethargic regardless of the amount of exercise I was doing each day.

2.  The less wine I drank and the more water I drank, the better I felt.  Duh, right?  Depression moved out.

3.  The less diet soda (labeled as "Liquid Satan" in the Skinny Bitch Book), the less bloated I felt and the more energy I experienced.  A more calm energy.

4.  Cutting down on chocolate and wine helped stabilize my blood sugar and my moods.  I still love chocolate and wine, but if I choose to indulge, I choose organic chocolate and organic wine.  Even then, one glass is enough.

5.  Cutting down on white bread and other items that we find in the middle isles of the grocery store has also helped stabilized my blood sugar. 

6.  Eating less cheese cut down on gas and bloating and left me feeling less lethargic.

7.  Eating 4 or 5 times per day helps me stay satisfied.  When my blood sugar is stable, I don't want to binge.  I am more even.  I am happy.  I do not feel hungry.

8.  Exercising helps me feel more alive.  I find that I prefer not to go to a gym anymore.  I practice yoga, walking in beautiful areas surrounded by nature, or I pop in a Netflix movie at home and sweat on my elliptical trainer.  I also swim when it is available to me. 

9.  Meditation, for me, is the key to staying even on the emotional scale.  When I feel even, I do not binge.  I do not eat or drink emotionally.  I am happy.  It all comes down to quieting the mind.  Do I still struggle?  Yes, but not as much.  It gets easier. 

I love all types of excercise, so don't think I am telling you what to do, what to eat, or how to excercise.  I am not a vegan or a vegetarian but I can tell you I eat significantly less meat than I used to and feel much better for it. I am sharing this article because as I started write everything down, it all became real, how food affects my mood.  It's easy to read about it.  But when you actually start recording on paper what is happening in your own body, the effects are so much easier to discern. It's so easy to forget what we ate yesterday or how depressed or hung over we were a week ago.  Logging keeps everything real.  It is simple, effective and takes no time at all.  You might make some emotional connections between food and mood that could dramatically change the quality of your life.

Additionally, keeping myself updated on what is going on in our food industry and continually educating myself on food and nutrition really helps raise my awareness on many different levels.  If you have read any great books on how food affects our mood, please feel free to reply to this blog.  Sharing information helps everyone gain a healthier perspective.  It is all part of the healing process.

 

[caption id="attachment_296" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Bon Appetit!"][/caption]