Keeping The Faith

Keeping The Faith In Hard Economic Times

   

I am no stranger to hard economic times.  I remember my parents having $ 5.00 to spare after paying the bills each month. I went to school and worked hard for my bachelor's and master's in hopes I would never be out of a job.  I have had corporate jobs that paid well and no job living in constant fear coupled by physical safety issues resulting from PTSD.  Sometimes I felt like I would just go bananas!  

As I look around today, I meet so many people who also went to school to protect themselves from exactly what is going on right now.  With so many people out of work, walking away from mortgages, unable to meet their basic needs, it is no wonder there is so much fear floating around.  

   

Meditation Helps Calm The Fear

   

I wish we could have our life's path lit all the way down the road, but it just doesn't work that way.  I know we're supposed to enjoy the ride, but sometimes it's easier said than done.  No one said the journey was going to be easy.  But there is something we can do, that doesn't cost a dime, just 5-30 minutes a day that will make the goodness in our lives so much more palpable.  And that, my friends, is meditation.  

If you're not used to meditating, start out slow.  Sometimes it is very difficult to sit for 5 minutes, let alone 30 when your mind is going 100 miles per hour in a million different directions.  When I am working with new students, I have found 2 methods that help newbies quiet their minds.  

    

2 Methods To Help You Start Meditating

 

First find a quiet spot.  It doesn't matter where it is.  You can sit in your cubicle at work, on a chair somewhere, the floor, pillow or no pillow, whatever works for you.  Be comfortable, but be at attention.  This is not sleepy time.  Begin to breath from your belly, like a fat happy baby.  You know how they breathe, right?  When a baby inhales, their bellies get really round and big.  On their exhale, their bellies fall gently.  That's how you breathe.  Now, 2 methods to help you get started:  

1.  Count.   

Now, close your eyes.  Soften your jaw and the muscles in your face.  If your mind wants to go out into a million different directions, count.  Count 4 in and 4 out.  When you get that going, slow down the breath and count 4 in and 8 out and so on.  Feel it out and stick with what works.  It may be you feel more in sync with 6 on the inhale and 10 or 12 on the exhale.  The point is that counting helps focus the mind.  The same thing works with listening to the sound of your own breath and feeling the cool air flowing through your nostrils.  Try both, see what happens.  

2. Chants. Prayer. Music.   

 There is a particular prayer that helps me relax and focus very quickly.  It is a prayer/chant by Craig Pruess and Ananda, "Devi Prayer", 108 beautiful names for the Divine.  You can get in on iTunes.  It is beautiful and transformative.  In fact, I use it quite often whenever I teach restorative classes.  It feels healing and loving and just resonates with the soul.  I  find that most people who hear the prayers, male and female, are moved by its beauty.  Give it a try.  You won't be disappointed.  

[caption id="attachment_380" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Try it! It works."][/caption]

   

   

 

Yoga Travels

Take Your Yoga Mat With You

 

I recently travelled to Germany and Italy.  My suitcase weighed next to nothing so I was able to pack everything under the sun...and my yoga mat, which fit quite nicely folded on top of my clothes.  If you don't want to pack the mat in your suitcase, there are plenty of yoga mat bags and carrying straps that would allow you keep your mat with you at all times.  I, however, did not want to carry mine with me.  Some would argue that you could buy a mat when you arrive at your destination, but with the dollar not being so strong right now, it wasn't really an option for me.  So I packed a very inexpensive lightweight mat and off I went.

 

Childs Pose Helps Soothe The Back As Well As The Emotions

 

And boy was I glad I did.  Travelling overnight on the plane and packed in like a sardine, I found myself feeling exhausted and emotional as I do not sleep well on planes, particularly if I am sitting up in a chair.  A few hours after we arrived, I was really feeling tight in the hips.  We went straight to visiting family so there was no time to rest.  I opened my bag, broke out the yoga mat and immediately began to stretch right there in front of everyone. I began in childs pose to relieve  my back from sitting for nine hours, breathing nice deep breathes to release the tension from the plane and lack of sleep.  A little Surya Namaskar, warmup, some upward side stretches to open the hips, utthita parsvakonasana, some back bends, and then right to headstand. 

 

Headstand To Calm Down

 

Ahh...the glorious headstand.  Calms me down.  Helps me center.  Right there while everyone was chit chatting, the headstand was having an immediate effect on my parasympathetic nervous system.  The family went outside to talk and things became very quiet.  I could hear myself breathe.  Everything began to slow down and become even.  Wanting to open my heart to receive my relatives with love, I lay over a couple of pillows in modified fish pose.  Now that feels great after a long plane ride.  After 30 minutes of stretching, I lay in savasna, corpse pose, for 10 minutes listening to divine mother chants, allowing me the temporary rest I needed to really enjoy the day. That evening I went back to my hotel room and practiced one hour of gentle yoga using my yoga strap and some hotel pillows.  I practiced everyday I was away and you know what I found?  I enjoyed the time with my family so much more.  I just felt better.

 

Your Body Will Thank You For Practicing Yoga Everyday While You're Away

(Picture taken above Via Krupp  Capri, Italy)

 

[caption id="attachment_358" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="My Not So Graceful Natarajasana"][/caption]

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Healing: Making Peace With Loved Ones Past

Remembering Our Loved Ones

 

A couple of weeks ago, my sister would have been 52.  She died July 2, 1997 of an amniotic embolism.  She was 8 months pregnant with her third child when she went to the bathroom, stood up, and cried "Somethings wrong! Call 911" , dropped to the floor and tried to crawl to the phone, but could not survive the attack.  Her baby daughter never opened her eyes and died several days later.  Naturally, it was a very devastating time for me and for my family.

 

When Rape is What You Share in Common

 

For the most part, my sister and I were very close.  Although we lived very different lives, we shared something in common.  We were both raped when we were teenagers and we both held onto a lot of anger.  We constantly operated from a fear based state. Of course, we did not know that at the time.  Being in fight or flight all the time just felt normal to us.  Beating ourselves up for every little thing just felt normal.  We  judged harshly.  We judged each other.  We judged everything and everyone.  You can only imagine how exhausted we were.  We looked for ways to ease the pain, not fully understanding, the answer to living peacefully wasn't even a stones throw away.  All we really had to do was look in the mirror and let the walls fall.  Such a process, of course, is easier said than done.

 

Sometimes Anger Leads to Insight

 

My sister and had a falling out about twelve months before she died.  It wasn't a blow up and there was no yelling.  I felt I had to be honest with her about something, and while I felt peaceful about our conversation, it ended our closeness.  We were never close again.  Cordial, but not close.  In hindsight, I realize this was about the time we both began our spiritual journey, separate, but together.  We loved each other deeply and there was no doubt we both wanted to heal.  So we just let each other be.

 

Letting Go

 

We both began reading a lot of spiritual literature. We both went inward.  She was never close to my oldest sister, not as long as I can remember, not ever.  We all found ourselves walking on eggshells, careful not to light any fires.  The night she transitioned, an action that appeared to be out of the blue, she took a drive over to my oldest sister's home and tried to make amends for a lifetime of animosity suggesting to my oldest sister that they begin again, new and fresh.  She also hugged my middle sister and my parents and told everyone that she loved and appreciated them.  She went home and died several hours later.

 

Meditation Allows Us A Peaceful Connection

 

I was not there as I lived three thousand miles away, so it was very difficult, but I knew we were ok and that she loved me and she knew with no uncertainty that I loved her.  For many years and to this day, I sometimes feel her presence, her love and support.  As I sit quietly, shut my eyes and breathe, I can clearly see her laughing joyfully.  I know she has let go. I know, in the pit of my soul, she is happy and free. I can feel her gently nudging me sometimes, to go deeper, to travel inward.  Sometimes, I am nervous about letting go, about letting the walls fall, but I know that when I take the time to sit quietly, I am also happy.  I am also free.

 

[caption id="attachment_307" align="aligncenter" width="96" caption="Happy Birthday Patty! We Miss You."][/caption]

 

Food and Mood

Does Food Affect Our Mood?

 

Last weekend, my husband and I rented the documentary, "Food, Inc.".  We sat and watched, not really knowing what to expect.  Well, I can tell you, from beginning to end, we were glued to the movie.  It was really eye-opening.  The movie provoked an honest conversation between my husband and me about what we feed ourselves on a daily basis and how what we eat affects us physically and emotionally.  Below is the trailer for Food, Inc.

 

Food Inc - A Compelling Documentary About How Our Food Has Changed Over the Last 50 Years

 

Post trauma I suffered a major eating disorder, addictions, and a plethora of mood swings, not really understanding how what I was putting into my body affected my physical and mental health.  I knew I felt depressed, exhausted and hopeless for many years.  I worked out on a daily basis trying to sweat out whatever impurities, both physically and emotionally I felt I was carrying.  I did this for years and while, by most people's standards, I stayed thin and looked healthy, I continued to feel as if I would never feel alive and energetic again.  I felt depleted all the time.  As the terrible cycle repeated itself with each diet, I turned to food and alcohol to comfort myself only to end up in turmoil again and again.

  

Years before I began practicing yoga regularly, I read a lot of nutritional books, most of which, in so many words, referenced various types of food as either an enemy or a friend, sometimes both.  I found these books extremely useful.  At the time though, I didn't know anything about stores like Earth Fare, Trader Joes and Whole Foods.  I worked with what was available to me at the time.  I followed the advice of books such as the Atkins Diet, The Zone, The Sugar Buster and a host of other books capitalizing on the weight loss industry. 

Yoga Helps Raise Awareness About What We Put Into Our Bodies

  

It wasn't until I started practicing yoga that I got the, "diets don't work", message.  It became more clear as I read books like:

"The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross

"Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

"Perfect Health", and "Grow Younger, Live Longer" by Deepak Chopra

Just to name a few. 

 

Keeping a Food and Excercise Journal Is Easy and Effective

 

It was then, through steady practice of yoga and meditation, that my awareness began to rise, that I began to fully understand that what I was eating was not just affecting my weight, but was absolutely affecting my emotions, my moods and how well my body was functioning.  Every day I began journaling what I was eating, what time I was eating, and how much I was eating.  If I noticed a mood change or a change in my energy level, I wrote that down as well.  The type of excercise I did on any given day?  Well, that went into the journal as well. I did that for approximately four months.  WOW!  What a difference.  Here's what I noticed:

1.  The more I ate, the worse I felt.  More than that, as I began writing everything down, I realized how much I was actually eating.  I was eating a lot more than I thought.  I felt slow, depressed and lethargic regardless of the amount of exercise I was doing each day.

2.  The less wine I drank and the more water I drank, the better I felt.  Duh, right?  Depression moved out.

3.  The less diet soda (labeled as "Liquid Satan" in the Skinny Bitch Book), the less bloated I felt and the more energy I experienced.  A more calm energy.

4.  Cutting down on chocolate and wine helped stabilize my blood sugar and my moods.  I still love chocolate and wine, but if I choose to indulge, I choose organic chocolate and organic wine.  Even then, one glass is enough.

5.  Cutting down on white bread and other items that we find in the middle isles of the grocery store has also helped stabilized my blood sugar. 

6.  Eating less cheese cut down on gas and bloating and left me feeling less lethargic.

7.  Eating 4 or 5 times per day helps me stay satisfied.  When my blood sugar is stable, I don't want to binge.  I am more even.  I am happy.  I do not feel hungry.

8.  Exercising helps me feel more alive.  I find that I prefer not to go to a gym anymore.  I practice yoga, walking in beautiful areas surrounded by nature, or I pop in a Netflix movie at home and sweat on my elliptical trainer.  I also swim when it is available to me. 

9.  Meditation, for me, is the key to staying even on the emotional scale.  When I feel even, I do not binge.  I do not eat or drink emotionally.  I am happy.  It all comes down to quieting the mind.  Do I still struggle?  Yes, but not as much.  It gets easier. 

I love all types of excercise, so don't think I am telling you what to do, what to eat, or how to excercise.  I am not a vegan or a vegetarian but I can tell you I eat significantly less meat than I used to and feel much better for it. I am sharing this article because as I started write everything down, it all became real, how food affects my mood.  It's easy to read about it.  But when you actually start recording on paper what is happening in your own body, the effects are so much easier to discern. It's so easy to forget what we ate yesterday or how depressed or hung over we were a week ago.  Logging keeps everything real.  It is simple, effective and takes no time at all.  You might make some emotional connections between food and mood that could dramatically change the quality of your life.

Additionally, keeping myself updated on what is going on in our food industry and continually educating myself on food and nutrition really helps raise my awareness on many different levels.  If you have read any great books on how food affects our mood, please feel free to reply to this blog.  Sharing information helps everyone gain a healthier perspective.  It is all part of the healing process.

 

[caption id="attachment_296" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Bon Appetit!"][/caption]

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Healing and Cleaning Up Relationships

 

I attended a wonderful yoga therapy workshop recently with Doug Keller, a yoga therapy expert.  There were twenty-plus students in the room on the first day and it was warm and almost musty as we began working through the first series of poses.  Normally I would be so focused on what foot to bring forward,  what arm to raise or the fact that I actually need to breathe, but there was something else in the room that caught my eye. 

I noticed a face across the room that vaguely resembled that of someone I used to know, someone I was very close with a long time ago.  As we grew apart our painful relationship ended.  I quickly dismissed the idea that it could be her, as sometimes this world just seems so big.  I went back to focusing on my breath, one asana, two, and  there she was again, perhaps a slightly heavier version of her.    I am always second guessing what my eyes see since at the ripe age of 40, I suddenly needed glasses to read a menu or a sign on the road.  But my mind started to wonder, what if it is her?

 

Reacting to Old Pain

 

Several years ago, I wouldn't  have stood in the same parking lot with an old friendship gone sour, let alone sit in a seminar face to face as the hours, no doubt, pass with increasing anxiety.  But the thought of her being there did not send off the usual alarm in my solar plexus.  I did not feel scared or nervous at the possibility of her presence.  Instead, as I looked at this old stranger, I felt compassion and asked that the universe send her love from across the room.  I felt no discomfort whatsoever.  I just kept sending her love.  I thought to myself, "Self, whatever the universe is bringing to your attention, embrace it.  Let it be. There is something of value here."

After class, the woman disappeared so quickly, I was unable to approach her.  The next day, she did not return.  I asked to see the class roster and there was no one by her name in class the evening before.  I learned something about myself that day.  One, my eyes sometimes deceive me.  Two, my heart does not.  My heart tells me the truth every time.  My heart was broken a long time ago, but it is on the mend now, so feeling the need to defend my position in life or who I am no longer has a choke hold on me.  I was prepared to just let things be.  If it was her, I did not want her to have to defend who she was or is now.  I was prepared to accept her just the way she was, having a complete understanding that everyone is in a different place and needs to experience, without my opinions, whatever it is they need to experience.  I was, so they say, unattached to my own ego and the outcome.  While I have not come to perfect this craft, it was wonderful to experience this weekend.

 

Practicing Yoga and Meditation Helps Release Old Pain

 

Although sometimes it can be extremely useful to speak to old friends or family members whom we have hurt or who have hurt us, it is not necessary in order to clean up the relationship and release painful feelings.  It does, however, require honesty with ourselves and honesty with the universe, with God.  Sometimes, if it is too uncomfortable to speak with someone directly or the circumstance to communicate face to face do not present itself, we can ask the universe to lift the burden of pain, to release us from thoughts and feelings that bind us to our past, the thoughts that no longer serve us.

Practicing yoga and meditation helps us to become more clear about our lives, our pain, and provides us a space with which to forgive ourselves, forgive others, and release old pain.  In turn, we make room for a new path, a path of compassion, love, a good feeling place in our hearts that is no longer bound by the pain of our past.  We are able to clean up our relationships with ourselves and with others.  And we are free to love again.  We are free.

 

 

Nia & Yoga - Feels Really Good

Nia & Yoga - Getting in Touch with my Creativity

 

Over the last six months, I have been repeatedly invited to try a Nia class.  Trained in Hatha, I am used to a certain sequence of poses and very comfortable knowing what's coming next, knowing what I am doing.  Various people have tried to describe to me what it feels like to take a Nia class, often describing the feeling of moving freely, using ones own creativity to allow the body to move as it pleases.  NIA actually stands for Neuromuscular Integrative Action. The definition  a local studio I recently visited includes: a highly aerobic, non-impact workout to rockin' music, incorporating coordinated movements and concepts from martial arts, dance and yoga; delivering increased energy, cardiovascular conditioning and FUN!

Not recruiting anyone to join me on this new and fascinating adventure, showing up for a one hour class on a cold winter evening forty minutes from my home, I walked in and was welcomed with open arms and excitement by a group of people seemingly happy that a newcomer climbed aboard.  There was no time to be nervous because my nervousness was diffused by the welcoming committee, the students.

Nia Feels Graceful and Light

 

Off with my shoes and socks and into the dimly lit, shiny floored room I went.  Uh oh, this place has mirrors.  Hmmm...not really sure I want to look at myself during all of this.  But there we were, standing in a circle and the music begins.  It is nicely paced,  sexy with a beat, yet warm and comforting.  We are beginning to move, hips first, arms second, not in a rigid way, but rather a flowing graceful sort of way.  No one is paying attention to anyone, except me of course, looking around to see if what I am doing is correct.  Everyone is looking in the mirror, watching their own bodies move with delight.  I am busy watching the instructor, who catches my eye and smiles every chance she gets.  She is warm and friendly and I feel myself beginning to relax.

Ten minutes into it, I am definitely looking in the mirror thinking, "This isn't so bad.  You look pretty good.  These mirrors are like carnival mirrors.  They make you look thinner than you actually feel.  Wonder where they got them?"  We continue on as we float around the room.  My hair is flying around...and I like it.  I like the way I feel, beautiful and graceful and so what if I'm not doing it perfectly.  I am not perfect, yet I feel perfect when I just allow my body to go with the flow.  It feels so nice, the music fills me up, and I feel really sexy.  Why am I telling you this?

  

Getting in Touch with Feminity, Creativity, Joy and Sexiness

 

After rape, or any kind of physical or emotional trauma, it is very common to shut down the parts of yourself that are creative, sexy and joy filled.  It could be that we married and had children...and well, life happened and we got distracted by life's daily activities.  Either way, sometimes it takes a while to find our joy again.  It might take some time to feel that sexiness you once felt.  I'm talking about authentic sexiness, joy that can only come when you truly love yourself, when you see your own light.  In this case, I hadn't seen myself as sexy for quite some time.  Oh sure, the occasional dress up and go to dinner feels good.  Or sometimes I go in the bathroom, shut the door, plug my ipod into my ears dance around in front of the mirror.  But never in front of anyone, which is curious for anyone who knows my past and my bar dancing days.

 

Seeing Your Own Light

 

This was different.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, something I find very difficult at times because I...we all, like to stick with what feels familiar.  I tried something new.  And you know what happened?  I saw my light.  In other words, I reminded myself, by the mere act of looking in the mirror, seeing myself move however graceful or ungraceful, how beautiful I really am.  Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes I forget to see my light because I am so afraid I'm going to see something else, something ugly.  But it is never so.  I look.  I see.  I feel. I am beautiful.  Today.

 

 

 

 

Slow Down...It's Only Five Minutes

 I know I have mentioned breathing before and I will again and again.  It saved my life.  Many years of hurtful and painful experiences cause us to hold our breath, hold in our feelings, only to come out at inconvenient times through a variety of reactions to what are seemingly harmless situations.  Everything from snapping at one person or another, crying uncontrollably, to desperate feelings of self criticism.  Certainly one way of combating these feelings is to bury them by staying busy from the moment we wake up to sheer exhaustion, the only time of which some of us fall asleep in hopes of avoiding these feelings at all.  The the cycle repeats itself the next day and the next.

I'm not sure there is any way to get around peeling the onion.  Believe me, I've tried.  I used to overbook myself with daily and evening activities that if I failed to accomplish, or even if I did manage to accomplish, treat myself, depending on my perception of the achievement or failure of that particular day, to 2-3 glasses of wine convincing myself that I just needed to relax, that I deserved to relax.  Then when I thought I was fully relaxed, I would try to go to bed, only to find my legs restless with pins and needles and my heart racing.  The nervousness I felt from that cycle brought me to the restroom with an overactive bladder and then I would just cry out of frustration.  So I would reach into my drawer and take some sleeping medication just to knock myself out, without a restful sleep I can tell you, only to do it all over again the next day and the next.  Get my drift?

When I started practicing yoga, I was taught to breath.  Feeling like I was nuts and unable to control my thoughts and calm my mind, I found sitting very difficult.  In fact, it was excruciating.  I couldn't understand how people could just sit there for 30 minutes to an hour without going crazy.  I really wanted to avoid that too.  Ge'ez Louise, my back hurt, my knees hurt and Iwas impatient.  My teacher suggested just trying to sit quietly for 5 minutes each day whether I was at home or in my car outside of a Walmart parking lot.  I asked, " What about my thoughts?  They are racing and I get angry thinking about everything."  She just replied, Shut your eyes, listen to your breath, feel the cool coming out of your nose.  Don't try to get rid of your thoughts.  They can be like little children who need attention.  Just tell them nicely that you will be back in 5 minutes to give them your undivided attention.  Then just let your thoughts come and go like the waves of the ocean.  As they come in, go back to the sound of your breath.  Your five minutes will be over in the blink of an eye and before you know it, you will be sitting for ten and twenty minutes and you will crave the silence."

And you know what? She was right.  So wherever you are during the day, whether you are five minutes early picking up your child at school, at work on a lunch break, or waiting for a meeting to take place, just close your eyes, listen to the sound of your breath...5 minutes.  I promise you, written with love and first hand experience, you will begin to access the peace you are so desperately seeking.

Partner Yoga - A Great Way to Begin Trusting

[caption id="attachment_49" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Maggie and Me Supporting Each Other"][/caption]

 

 

Partner Yoga - A Great Way

to Begin Trusting

To the right is my friend Maggie.  I'm the one wearing the yellow shirt.  We took a partner yoga class together at The Yoga Loft in Summerville, SC, one of the most wonderful, intimate studios in the Charleston area,where I just so happen to teach.  There is nothing quite like partner yoga.  It is fun.  It can make you laugh like crazy.  It can be a little intimidating and scary.  And it can make you cry.  It requires complete trust and vulnerability.  It requires trusting someone you may or may not know.  Sometimes it can feel very intimate. 

One thing is for sure. It is amazing.  If you allow, love will pour out of you and you feel a beautiful sense of empowerment through completely supporting your partner and encouraging her to trust you to hold her up, to be there for her if she feels a sense of imbalance, to catch her if she falls.

And the same goes for you when it is your turn to be held up, to trust, to allow someone to catch you if you start to fall.  As it is in in life, right?  There is someone for us, for each and every one of us.  They are just waiting to love us, if we will only let them. There is empowerment and liberation in engaging with another individual in this way.  And when we come from a place of love and empowerment...ahh life is so much easier. 

I realize this is easier said than done, trusting and allowing yourself to be vulnerable that is, which is exactly why I chose to write about the partner yoga experience.  My first experience with partner yoga was in teacher training at Holy Cow Yoga in Charleston.  I had been looking forward to a partner yoga class for quite some time, but when it came right down to it, I got really nervous.   I thought, who is my partner going to be?  What if I screw up?  What if I am too heavy for her?  What if she doesn't like me?  What if there's no connection?  I had a lot of "what ifs".

Various Emotions During Partner Yoga

It felt kind of odd at first sitting in Sukasana, easy pose, back to back with someone I really didn't know very well.  I felt vulnerable right away and giddy at the same time.  I thought my partner would notice that I wasn't as flexible as she was and that it may not be fun for her to be with someone like me.  I made judgements about myself that weren't very kind.  As we were guided through our partner yoga  poses I found myself flooded with many different emotions such as:

Insecurity            Happiness            Love            Fear            Nervousness            Anxiety

I remember not wanting to make eye contact, but my partner was lovely and seemed secure and confident.  I quickly learned that she was very comfortable just loving me, assiting me with her calmness, laughter and easy going style.  We both laughed so much and really enjoyed attemping the poses.  And the more I laughed and the more poses we we were guided through, the more I lightened up.  The more I lightened up, the more exhilerated I became and then a sense of trust followed and it was actually the most fun I've had in a very long time.  I just let go.  I was doing things I hadn't even attempted since my gymnastic days many years ago.  I don't know how well I did them, but it was a blast trying.  You know why?  I had support.  Love and support filled the room.

In Partner Yoga - Vulnerability Becomes Exhileration

I couldn't wait to take another class.  So when The Yoga Loft offered a workshop in the fall, I jumped on it!  Maggie was my partner.  I know Maggie loves me and we had a wonderful,  fun experience.  I think our experience at Holy Cow really assisted Maggie and I help the other students lighten up, trust and let go.  There should be a partner class coming up somewhere soon as Valentines day approaches.  I would encourage anyone reading this to take a leap and engage in this wonderful activity.  It is a safe environment to begin trusting again and oh so much fun!

  



Axiom of Partner Yoga

 - All things are interdependent

 - Touch and Intimacy are basic human needs

 - Fear and Pain are two of life's greatest teachers

 - Exercise and rest are essential for vibrant health

 - Laughter and play are life's fountains of youth

 - Partnership is based on trust and communication

 - Breath is life

Taken from: Partner Yoga; Making Contact for Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Growth by Cain Carroll and Lori Kimata

It's Christmas...Breathe

I was pondering what to blog on this very special week, wondering during the hustle and bustle what message I wanted to share this Christmas.  As I was beeped at waiting in a line of cars being driven by people feeling the same rush of holiday madness turning into the crowded parking lot of Barnes and Noble, I was reminded of the 2009 Christmas letter I wrote recently which was sent out to our close friends and family members.  The following is the message I shared with so many, and now all of you as well:

 

It’s that time of year, the time of year we rush around to buy presents, get everything wrapped, packed, shipped and whatever else we feel we have to do by some unreasonable deadline we have set for ourselves.  As I take a moment to sit down to write, I take a deep breath, something I’m into these days, and I thank the universe for what she gives me each and every day, my husband, my son, my family and friends, and the endless love and support I receive should I choose to recognize it.  I have learned that sometimes the universe has a funny way, not necessarily ha-ha, of showing me when I need to slow down and quite literally smell the roses.  When I listen she tells me when a change is in order and creates circumstances in which for me to learn and grow, gently nudging me to make a new path for myself, to emerge as the being I have always wanted to be, heart open, no strings.

 

Sometimes this does not feel so easy.  It is not always easy to get up in the morning and face challenges day in and day out and sometimes I really just want to hide behind my email, hoping no one will notice my fear, my imperfection.  I go on like this for a while and then my husband Troy comes in and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me.  Or my son Liam will come and give me a kiss, and if I’m lucky anymore, sit on my lap for a while. 

 

You see it doesn’t really matter what happened this year.  What matters most are the moments we sit back, take a deep breath and allow our hearts to feel the love of our family and friends.  There were many ups and downs in 2009 leaving many of us short of breath, uncertain about the future.  So remind yourself in the New Year, just breathe.  Everything else can wait.

 

Merry Christmas!

 

With Love,

 

Donna and Family

 

Trying To Be Perfect

Yoga From The Inside Out 

 

 My yoga teacher recently gave me a wonderful book to read called, "Yoga from the Inside Out”, by Christina Bell.  I would recommend this book to anyone interested in yoga, but particularly to those who have been abused.  Christina’s story really resonated with me although our abuse came in different forms.  Her desire to be perfect led her to problems such as eating disorders and fluctuating weight.

 

How many of us out there try to be perfect and why?  If you remember in my first blog I mentioned powering through yoga poses, pleasing people to the point of losing my integrity.  And what for? I would like to share with you the following passage from Christina’s book, page 107. 

 

One day Christina called the senior practitioner from her yoga community after months of feeling stressed from running her own coffee shop, beating herself up about being a terrible boss, being rude to her customers and what a spiritual loser she felt she was.  When the practitioner was able to speak, she said, “You know, we often forget that spiritual work is not about getting perfect—this work is about being surrendered.”

Trying To Be Perfect

 

Shocked at the reply, Christina goes on to say, “I began to reflect on how through all my years of therapy, therapy training, and yoga practice I was striving to be perfect so that I would be more loveable.  I imagined that if I did enough work on myself, I would no longer have neurotic manifestations or offensive personality traits.” That practitioner went on to say that such idealization wasn’t the point.  Surrender was the point. 

Reading this passage of the book, I was reminded of how often I felt that people could see right through me, viewing all of my imperfections and that if I was just smarter, prettier, more polished, more successful, I would finally be loved, not realizing what was staring me straight in the face.  I first had to love myself. 

 

It is not always as cut and dry as, “Oh yeah, I forgot, let me just love myself.”  If you have been beating yourself up for years, loving yourself may be easier said than done.  Abraham-Hicks, the authors of, “Law of Attraction”, repeatedly suggest to us that we go out to the water, get into the boat, and instead of allowing the boat to take us downstream, we immediately paddle upstream.  And…we insist on doing it that way!  That’s a hard way to live.

Letting Go Of Resistance

 

One of the ways I began to love myself was to recognize how resistant I was to life.  I never went with the flow.  I was determined to fight my way through everything.  For years I felt exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally.  Sometimes I still do.  But at least now I am aware.  And when I get all wound up over something, I gently, and I mean gently, remind myself to let go.

 

That’s where yoga comes in.  When I am taking a class and I feel like I should be able to bend forward more, hold the plank position longer, or lay flat like a pancake in Janu sirsasana, head to knee pose, I sometimes silently scold myself for not being able to hold the position perfectly or the way I feel my body should respond.  Then I slow down take a deep breath and remind myself that wherever I am is the position that is perfect for me.  I tell myself to relax and breathe.  Am I resisting? Just breathe Donna.  Stop resisting. 

 

My teacher always says, “You’re not going to get any brownie points trying to be like Gumby.”  What does that mean?  Just love yourself the way you are, right now, today.  Be gentle with yourself by releasing any self criticism, even if it is for a few moments in the day or the hour that you practice yoga, allowing your body to just go with the flow.  It feels so much better.