Keeping The Faith

Keeping The Faith In Hard Economic Times

   

I am no stranger to hard economic times.  I remember my parents having $ 5.00 to spare after paying the bills each month. I went to school and worked hard for my bachelor's and master's in hopes I would never be out of a job.  I have had corporate jobs that paid well and no job living in constant fear coupled by physical safety issues resulting from PTSD.  Sometimes I felt like I would just go bananas!  

As I look around today, I meet so many people who also went to school to protect themselves from exactly what is going on right now.  With so many people out of work, walking away from mortgages, unable to meet their basic needs, it is no wonder there is so much fear floating around.  

   

Meditation Helps Calm The Fear

   

I wish we could have our life's path lit all the way down the road, but it just doesn't work that way.  I know we're supposed to enjoy the ride, but sometimes it's easier said than done.  No one said the journey was going to be easy.  But there is something we can do, that doesn't cost a dime, just 5-30 minutes a day that will make the goodness in our lives so much more palpable.  And that, my friends, is meditation.  

If you're not used to meditating, start out slow.  Sometimes it is very difficult to sit for 5 minutes, let alone 30 when your mind is going 100 miles per hour in a million different directions.  When I am working with new students, I have found 2 methods that help newbies quiet their minds.  

    

2 Methods To Help You Start Meditating

 

First find a quiet spot.  It doesn't matter where it is.  You can sit in your cubicle at work, on a chair somewhere, the floor, pillow or no pillow, whatever works for you.  Be comfortable, but be at attention.  This is not sleepy time.  Begin to breath from your belly, like a fat happy baby.  You know how they breathe, right?  When a baby inhales, their bellies get really round and big.  On their exhale, their bellies fall gently.  That's how you breathe.  Now, 2 methods to help you get started:  

1.  Count.   

Now, close your eyes.  Soften your jaw and the muscles in your face.  If your mind wants to go out into a million different directions, count.  Count 4 in and 4 out.  When you get that going, slow down the breath and count 4 in and 8 out and so on.  Feel it out and stick with what works.  It may be you feel more in sync with 6 on the inhale and 10 or 12 on the exhale.  The point is that counting helps focus the mind.  The same thing works with listening to the sound of your own breath and feeling the cool air flowing through your nostrils.  Try both, see what happens.  

2. Chants. Prayer. Music.   

 There is a particular prayer that helps me relax and focus very quickly.  It is a prayer/chant by Craig Pruess and Ananda, "Devi Prayer", 108 beautiful names for the Divine.  You can get in on iTunes.  It is beautiful and transformative.  In fact, I use it quite often whenever I teach restorative classes.  It feels healing and loving and just resonates with the soul.  I  find that most people who hear the prayers, male and female, are moved by its beauty.  Give it a try.  You won't be disappointed.  

[caption id="attachment_380" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Try it! It works."][/caption]

   

   

 

Choosing A Practitioner

Who's Going To Help Me Heal?

 

Over the years I have seen a variety of therapists and holistic practitioners, all in an attempt to help me heal from PTSD.  Different stages of my healing process required and still does require different practitioners.  Some people may be lucky enough to have one practitioner through their entire healing process.  Some may prefer just one.  I find it useful to work with different people based on their professional as well as their life experience.  However, it is not always easy to discern the level of empathy, compassion or integrity of some practitioners until there has been a face to face meeting and sometimes  it takes more than one.

 

How Do You Feel When You Are With Your Practitioner?

 

Recently, I visited with a practitioner who seemed to have quite a bit of business flowing his way.  He worked in a beautiful location surrounded by absolute serenity.  I was a little apprehensive because every time I stood in the same room with this man, I felt a little tightness in my chest.  I did not know why.  He seemed nice and very knowledgeable, so I chose to ignore my feelings.  I made an appointment with him anyway and was looking very forward to relaxing and allowing him to work his magic hands on me.  

I filled out a standard form regarding medications and general information this type of practitioner would be looking for, going against my instinct which told me not to expose myself, not this time.   One thing I noticed right off the bat were some pretty hefty promises about how I would feel later that evening.  But there I was, and the session began.  Beautiful music.  Beautiful surroundings.  Not a word.  Ahhh...relax, I told myself.  You're all in a tizzy about nothing, right?   I wish.

 

When A Practitioner Goes Outside Their Field Of Expertise

 

After the session, he wanted to speak with me about what he noticed.  When he started speaking, I finally got what my instinct was trying to tell me.  Judgement.  That's what I was feeling.  I felt like I was being judged.  And the more he talked, the tighter my chest grew.  He was talking to me as if he knew my life's story, delving into very personal space, space I was not ready to share with him, space and history which he knew absolutely nothing about.  It went on and on.  More judgement about my life and how I should feel and what I should do, how I should speak when referring to my own life experiences.  By the time I left, I felt so unempowered and so small.  And there he was, thinking he did me this huge favor.  He cured me! His ego was so big, he didn't even realize how what he said and how he said it might have affected me. 

And this is the problem I have noticed from time to time with practitioners.  They step outside of their expertise into areas they know nothing about.  As a result, the client walks away wondering what just happened.  Sometimes people who work in the healing arena have not cleaned up their own stuff.  They've helped a few people.  They might have a little following and bam!  They've got a deity complex.  Never having completed the inner work in their own lives, they set out to heal others, but the ego has grown too big and gets in the way of the true talent that awaits them.

 

What To Look For In A Practitioner

 

1.  Got instincts?  Listen to'em.  If you are feeling like you may not be a match, keep looking.  There is someone out there just for you.

2.  Check with other practitioners in the area.  Most practitioners will not bad mouth other practitioners, but you can get a sense of what type of person you are about to see.  If the practitioner you are about to see is well  respected in his/her field, most of his/her colleagues will gladly recommend this person.  It is useful to check with several other people in a similar field.

3.  Check with past clients, if you happen to know any.  Poke around.  Ask questions.  You will get a good idea whether the practitioner might be a good fit for you. 

4.  When you finally do see someone, check in with how you feel.  Do you feel empowered?  If not, keep looking.  They may have a great deal of talent, but may not be  right for you. 

5.  You'll know when you've hit the jackpot.  That little voice tells you, "This practitioner is working from his/her highest good."  You'll know it because you'll feel it.  Never minimize your feelings.  Your heart always tells you the truth.

 

If you have any useful tips on finding a good practitioner, please feel free to share below.

 

 

Healing: Making Peace With Loved Ones Past

Remembering Our Loved Ones

 

A couple of weeks ago, my sister would have been 52.  She died July 2, 1997 of an amniotic embolism.  She was 8 months pregnant with her third child when she went to the bathroom, stood up, and cried "Somethings wrong! Call 911" , dropped to the floor and tried to crawl to the phone, but could not survive the attack.  Her baby daughter never opened her eyes and died several days later.  Naturally, it was a very devastating time for me and for my family.

 

When Rape is What You Share in Common

 

For the most part, my sister and I were very close.  Although we lived very different lives, we shared something in common.  We were both raped when we were teenagers and we both held onto a lot of anger.  We constantly operated from a fear based state. Of course, we did not know that at the time.  Being in fight or flight all the time just felt normal to us.  Beating ourselves up for every little thing just felt normal.  We  judged harshly.  We judged each other.  We judged everything and everyone.  You can only imagine how exhausted we were.  We looked for ways to ease the pain, not fully understanding, the answer to living peacefully wasn't even a stones throw away.  All we really had to do was look in the mirror and let the walls fall.  Such a process, of course, is easier said than done.

 

Sometimes Anger Leads to Insight

 

My sister and had a falling out about twelve months before she died.  It wasn't a blow up and there was no yelling.  I felt I had to be honest with her about something, and while I felt peaceful about our conversation, it ended our closeness.  We were never close again.  Cordial, but not close.  In hindsight, I realize this was about the time we both began our spiritual journey, separate, but together.  We loved each other deeply and there was no doubt we both wanted to heal.  So we just let each other be.

 

Letting Go

 

We both began reading a lot of spiritual literature. We both went inward.  She was never close to my oldest sister, not as long as I can remember, not ever.  We all found ourselves walking on eggshells, careful not to light any fires.  The night she transitioned, an action that appeared to be out of the blue, she took a drive over to my oldest sister's home and tried to make amends for a lifetime of animosity suggesting to my oldest sister that they begin again, new and fresh.  She also hugged my middle sister and my parents and told everyone that she loved and appreciated them.  She went home and died several hours later.

 

Meditation Allows Us A Peaceful Connection

 

I was not there as I lived three thousand miles away, so it was very difficult, but I knew we were ok and that she loved me and she knew with no uncertainty that I loved her.  For many years and to this day, I sometimes feel her presence, her love and support.  As I sit quietly, shut my eyes and breathe, I can clearly see her laughing joyfully.  I know she has let go. I know, in the pit of my soul, she is happy and free. I can feel her gently nudging me sometimes, to go deeper, to travel inward.  Sometimes, I am nervous about letting go, about letting the walls fall, but I know that when I take the time to sit quietly, I am also happy.  I am also free.

 

[caption id="attachment_307" align="aligncenter" width="96" caption="Happy Birthday Patty! We Miss You."][/caption]

 

Food and Mood

Does Food Affect Our Mood?

 

Last weekend, my husband and I rented the documentary, "Food, Inc.".  We sat and watched, not really knowing what to expect.  Well, I can tell you, from beginning to end, we were glued to the movie.  It was really eye-opening.  The movie provoked an honest conversation between my husband and me about what we feed ourselves on a daily basis and how what we eat affects us physically and emotionally.  Below is the trailer for Food, Inc.

 

Food Inc - A Compelling Documentary About How Our Food Has Changed Over the Last 50 Years

 

Post trauma I suffered a major eating disorder, addictions, and a plethora of mood swings, not really understanding how what I was putting into my body affected my physical and mental health.  I knew I felt depressed, exhausted and hopeless for many years.  I worked out on a daily basis trying to sweat out whatever impurities, both physically and emotionally I felt I was carrying.  I did this for years and while, by most people's standards, I stayed thin and looked healthy, I continued to feel as if I would never feel alive and energetic again.  I felt depleted all the time.  As the terrible cycle repeated itself with each diet, I turned to food and alcohol to comfort myself only to end up in turmoil again and again.

  

Years before I began practicing yoga regularly, I read a lot of nutritional books, most of which, in so many words, referenced various types of food as either an enemy or a friend, sometimes both.  I found these books extremely useful.  At the time though, I didn't know anything about stores like Earth Fare, Trader Joes and Whole Foods.  I worked with what was available to me at the time.  I followed the advice of books such as the Atkins Diet, The Zone, The Sugar Buster and a host of other books capitalizing on the weight loss industry. 

Yoga Helps Raise Awareness About What We Put Into Our Bodies

  

It wasn't until I started practicing yoga that I got the, "diets don't work", message.  It became more clear as I read books like:

"The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross

"Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

"Perfect Health", and "Grow Younger, Live Longer" by Deepak Chopra

Just to name a few. 

 

Keeping a Food and Excercise Journal Is Easy and Effective

 

It was then, through steady practice of yoga and meditation, that my awareness began to rise, that I began to fully understand that what I was eating was not just affecting my weight, but was absolutely affecting my emotions, my moods and how well my body was functioning.  Every day I began journaling what I was eating, what time I was eating, and how much I was eating.  If I noticed a mood change or a change in my energy level, I wrote that down as well.  The type of excercise I did on any given day?  Well, that went into the journal as well. I did that for approximately four months.  WOW!  What a difference.  Here's what I noticed:

1.  The more I ate, the worse I felt.  More than that, as I began writing everything down, I realized how much I was actually eating.  I was eating a lot more than I thought.  I felt slow, depressed and lethargic regardless of the amount of exercise I was doing each day.

2.  The less wine I drank and the more water I drank, the better I felt.  Duh, right?  Depression moved out.

3.  The less diet soda (labeled as "Liquid Satan" in the Skinny Bitch Book), the less bloated I felt and the more energy I experienced.  A more calm energy.

4.  Cutting down on chocolate and wine helped stabilize my blood sugar and my moods.  I still love chocolate and wine, but if I choose to indulge, I choose organic chocolate and organic wine.  Even then, one glass is enough.

5.  Cutting down on white bread and other items that we find in the middle isles of the grocery store has also helped stabilized my blood sugar. 

6.  Eating less cheese cut down on gas and bloating and left me feeling less lethargic.

7.  Eating 4 or 5 times per day helps me stay satisfied.  When my blood sugar is stable, I don't want to binge.  I am more even.  I am happy.  I do not feel hungry.

8.  Exercising helps me feel more alive.  I find that I prefer not to go to a gym anymore.  I practice yoga, walking in beautiful areas surrounded by nature, or I pop in a Netflix movie at home and sweat on my elliptical trainer.  I also swim when it is available to me. 

9.  Meditation, for me, is the key to staying even on the emotional scale.  When I feel even, I do not binge.  I do not eat or drink emotionally.  I am happy.  It all comes down to quieting the mind.  Do I still struggle?  Yes, but not as much.  It gets easier. 

I love all types of excercise, so don't think I am telling you what to do, what to eat, or how to excercise.  I am not a vegan or a vegetarian but I can tell you I eat significantly less meat than I used to and feel much better for it. I am sharing this article because as I started write everything down, it all became real, how food affects my mood.  It's easy to read about it.  But when you actually start recording on paper what is happening in your own body, the effects are so much easier to discern. It's so easy to forget what we ate yesterday or how depressed or hung over we were a week ago.  Logging keeps everything real.  It is simple, effective and takes no time at all.  You might make some emotional connections between food and mood that could dramatically change the quality of your life.

Additionally, keeping myself updated on what is going on in our food industry and continually educating myself on food and nutrition really helps raise my awareness on many different levels.  If you have read any great books on how food affects our mood, please feel free to reply to this blog.  Sharing information helps everyone gain a healthier perspective.  It is all part of the healing process.

 

[caption id="attachment_296" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Bon Appetit!"][/caption]

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Healing and Cleaning Up Relationships

 

I attended a wonderful yoga therapy workshop recently with Doug Keller, a yoga therapy expert.  There were twenty-plus students in the room on the first day and it was warm and almost musty as we began working through the first series of poses.  Normally I would be so focused on what foot to bring forward,  what arm to raise or the fact that I actually need to breathe, but there was something else in the room that caught my eye. 

I noticed a face across the room that vaguely resembled that of someone I used to know, someone I was very close with a long time ago.  As we grew apart our painful relationship ended.  I quickly dismissed the idea that it could be her, as sometimes this world just seems so big.  I went back to focusing on my breath, one asana, two, and  there she was again, perhaps a slightly heavier version of her.    I am always second guessing what my eyes see since at the ripe age of 40, I suddenly needed glasses to read a menu or a sign on the road.  But my mind started to wonder, what if it is her?

 

Reacting to Old Pain

 

Several years ago, I wouldn't  have stood in the same parking lot with an old friendship gone sour, let alone sit in a seminar face to face as the hours, no doubt, pass with increasing anxiety.  But the thought of her being there did not send off the usual alarm in my solar plexus.  I did not feel scared or nervous at the possibility of her presence.  Instead, as I looked at this old stranger, I felt compassion and asked that the universe send her love from across the room.  I felt no discomfort whatsoever.  I just kept sending her love.  I thought to myself, "Self, whatever the universe is bringing to your attention, embrace it.  Let it be. There is something of value here."

After class, the woman disappeared so quickly, I was unable to approach her.  The next day, she did not return.  I asked to see the class roster and there was no one by her name in class the evening before.  I learned something about myself that day.  One, my eyes sometimes deceive me.  Two, my heart does not.  My heart tells me the truth every time.  My heart was broken a long time ago, but it is on the mend now, so feeling the need to defend my position in life or who I am no longer has a choke hold on me.  I was prepared to just let things be.  If it was her, I did not want her to have to defend who she was or is now.  I was prepared to accept her just the way she was, having a complete understanding that everyone is in a different place and needs to experience, without my opinions, whatever it is they need to experience.  I was, so they say, unattached to my own ego and the outcome.  While I have not come to perfect this craft, it was wonderful to experience this weekend.

 

Practicing Yoga and Meditation Helps Release Old Pain

 

Although sometimes it can be extremely useful to speak to old friends or family members whom we have hurt or who have hurt us, it is not necessary in order to clean up the relationship and release painful feelings.  It does, however, require honesty with ourselves and honesty with the universe, with God.  Sometimes, if it is too uncomfortable to speak with someone directly or the circumstance to communicate face to face do not present itself, we can ask the universe to lift the burden of pain, to release us from thoughts and feelings that bind us to our past, the thoughts that no longer serve us.

Practicing yoga and meditation helps us to become more clear about our lives, our pain, and provides us a space with which to forgive ourselves, forgive others, and release old pain.  In turn, we make room for a new path, a path of compassion, love, a good feeling place in our hearts that is no longer bound by the pain of our past.  We are able to clean up our relationships with ourselves and with others.  And we are free to love again.  We are free.

 

 

Emotional Upsets - Food to Fill The Void

 

    

Emotional Upsets - Food to Fill the Void

    

Has anyone ever said to you, "Wow, you look like you've lost weight", when you know you haven't, and in fact, weigh the same amount as you always have, give or take a few?  Maybe you've even inhaled some undesirable food and you feel like you're packing it on. Your response might be a simple thank you, or, if your anything like me, you immediately pose these questions to yourself, "Why would he/she say that?  Was I fat before?   Do I look like I need to lose weight?"  Someone is just trying to give you a compliment and you castastrophize it with self-doubt. The truth is, I have struggled with my weight for years fluctuating five or ten, even fifteen pounds depending on my emotional state that week or month.  I know that may not seem like much to some people, but it is something to me.  Of course it is not the weight.  The weight is a symptom.  Like author Janet Greeson says, "It's not what your eating, it's what's eating you."   

    

When We Don't Feel We Belong

    

What I have found through years of peeling my own emotional onion is that it is not the weight, the few pounds I gain here or there or the tipping of the scale that gives me the upset.  It is a question that I have asked myself when I am willing to look beyond the cellulite in the mirror, "Do I feel I have a right to be here?"  And what do you think the answer was?  From a logical perspective, my all-knowing, never wrong, brain speaking, the answer was and always is, "Yes!  Of course I have a right to be here!  What a ridiculous question."  But when my heart spoke, the very first time I asked myself that question, facing myself in the mirror I might add, the answer was a resounding, "NO!"  I broke down.  "So that's the real issue Donna, you feel like you're taking up space.  You're too big, too bulky, too fat and you just don't belong."  That "NO" began in my late teens, and since then I have grown tremendously, but the question remains the same and here's what I have found:   

    

It's Never About the Food

    

    

When we don't feel comfortable with who we are, we may not feel a sense of belonging, so we look outside of ourselves for something that will make us feel better, perhaps not realizing that it is what is inside us that gives us our security, our sense of self-worth.  So, for some people, this may be shopping.  For others it may be drinks after work or even drinking heavily, or keeping a very busy schedule, too busy in fact, to sit down and be quiet with nothing else but our own physical presence.  For others food provides comfort.  Looking outside seems so much easier and more fun until you go broke, get too big for your britches, literally, or fall down drunk.  Like so many people searching, I have experienced all of the above and more.  You are not alone.   

    

Yoga and Meditation Tame The Emotional Rollercoaster

    

Through yoga and meditation, I have learned to tame the emotional rollercoaster.  Now mind you, I have not perfected this craft, but I can tell you, I don't binge anymore and even when I eat a little too much, I go easy on myself.  I am much more conscious about what I put into my mouth.  No I don't work out like crazy at the gym.  Could I use more exercise?  Yes.  So I walk.  I walk in nature, on the beach.  I practice yoga.  My body is not perfect anymore and I am not trying to make it so.  I just want to be healthy and happy.  A daily dose of yoga and meditation can do wonders.  When practiced consistently, awareness and self-love become more palpable, more sustainable and the need for all those outside distractions begin to fall to the wayside.  I'm not saying this happens overnight.  But it is definitely doable.   

 

    

 

[caption id="attachment_240" align="aligncenter" width="130" caption="A Nice Stroll on the Sidewalk...ahh, feels good"][/caption]

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

 

Nia & Yoga - Feels Really Good

Nia & Yoga - Getting in Touch with my Creativity

 

Over the last six months, I have been repeatedly invited to try a Nia class.  Trained in Hatha, I am used to a certain sequence of poses and very comfortable knowing what's coming next, knowing what I am doing.  Various people have tried to describe to me what it feels like to take a Nia class, often describing the feeling of moving freely, using ones own creativity to allow the body to move as it pleases.  NIA actually stands for Neuromuscular Integrative Action. The definition  a local studio I recently visited includes: a highly aerobic, non-impact workout to rockin' music, incorporating coordinated movements and concepts from martial arts, dance and yoga; delivering increased energy, cardiovascular conditioning and FUN!

Not recruiting anyone to join me on this new and fascinating adventure, showing up for a one hour class on a cold winter evening forty minutes from my home, I walked in and was welcomed with open arms and excitement by a group of people seemingly happy that a newcomer climbed aboard.  There was no time to be nervous because my nervousness was diffused by the welcoming committee, the students.

Nia Feels Graceful and Light

 

Off with my shoes and socks and into the dimly lit, shiny floored room I went.  Uh oh, this place has mirrors.  Hmmm...not really sure I want to look at myself during all of this.  But there we were, standing in a circle and the music begins.  It is nicely paced,  sexy with a beat, yet warm and comforting.  We are beginning to move, hips first, arms second, not in a rigid way, but rather a flowing graceful sort of way.  No one is paying attention to anyone, except me of course, looking around to see if what I am doing is correct.  Everyone is looking in the mirror, watching their own bodies move with delight.  I am busy watching the instructor, who catches my eye and smiles every chance she gets.  She is warm and friendly and I feel myself beginning to relax.

Ten minutes into it, I am definitely looking in the mirror thinking, "This isn't so bad.  You look pretty good.  These mirrors are like carnival mirrors.  They make you look thinner than you actually feel.  Wonder where they got them?"  We continue on as we float around the room.  My hair is flying around...and I like it.  I like the way I feel, beautiful and graceful and so what if I'm not doing it perfectly.  I am not perfect, yet I feel perfect when I just allow my body to go with the flow.  It feels so nice, the music fills me up, and I feel really sexy.  Why am I telling you this?

  

Getting in Touch with Feminity, Creativity, Joy and Sexiness

 

After rape, or any kind of physical or emotional trauma, it is very common to shut down the parts of yourself that are creative, sexy and joy filled.  It could be that we married and had children...and well, life happened and we got distracted by life's daily activities.  Either way, sometimes it takes a while to find our joy again.  It might take some time to feel that sexiness you once felt.  I'm talking about authentic sexiness, joy that can only come when you truly love yourself, when you see your own light.  In this case, I hadn't seen myself as sexy for quite some time.  Oh sure, the occasional dress up and go to dinner feels good.  Or sometimes I go in the bathroom, shut the door, plug my ipod into my ears dance around in front of the mirror.  But never in front of anyone, which is curious for anyone who knows my past and my bar dancing days.

 

Seeing Your Own Light

 

This was different.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, something I find very difficult at times because I...we all, like to stick with what feels familiar.  I tried something new.  And you know what happened?  I saw my light.  In other words, I reminded myself, by the mere act of looking in the mirror, seeing myself move however graceful or ungraceful, how beautiful I really am.  Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes I forget to see my light because I am so afraid I'm going to see something else, something ugly.  But it is never so.  I look.  I see.  I feel. I am beautiful.  Today.

 

 

 

 

Aging Gracefully - Letting Things Be

Yoga - Let the Real Me Emerge

 

I will be 45 this week.  I think back to 35 and 25 and thank God I am 45.  I think I like getting older.  I'm not even sure I remember 25 and that's perfectly fine with me.  At 35 life was getting much better.  I finished my Master's, lived in a apartment on the top floor looking right at Neiman Marcus.  I think my biggest concern each day was deciding who was going to take me to lunch or dinner that day.  What a life!  But while that part of life was really nice, I was still very lonely and attached to what other people thought about me, still not quite knowing who I was, looking for that something, drink, dress, trip to fill me up.  But it never really lasted.  I was not the person I wanted to be.   

A New Kind of Energy

At that time I was beginning to take yoga classes.  The classes were held in a gym, so there wasn't much talk, if any, about the philosophy of yoga, but rather just enough quiet and stillness to provoke thought and move me to start reading very spiritually based books like gary Zukav's, Seat of the Soul, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, Where Are You Going by Swami Muktananda, and some of my very favorite Marianne Williamson's books I still refer to today.  And so, I started to grow, increasing my awareness, my own accountability, my role in life and how I was contributing or not contributing.  As time passed and I engaged in in more yogic activity, I began to surround myself with people who elevated me.  And I observed how these people lived, how graceful and appreciative, how non-judgemental and loving.  It's as if they knew I needed to be loved and they loved me, my beautiful husband being one of those people, whom I am certain crossed my path as a new kind of energy began to emerge. 

 Feeling Beautiful Comes With Age

So, the past is the past and I have lived through tremedous pain, pain that at one time, I never thought would ever lift.  But time heals.  Forgiveness heals, forgiving myself as well as others.   My past no longer holds me hostage.  I love myself.  I think Marianne says it beautifully in her book "The Age of Miracles", when she explains how past lessons affect us:

"You were being given the chance to become the person you're capable of being.  Some lessons you passed, some you have to take again.  Some you enjoyed, and some you resisted and might have hated.  But they've left you--if you choose--a better person, a more vulnerable person, a wiser person, a more noble person.  And from that all things are possible."

And My Favorite Part...Fabulous At Any Age

"A youthful body is wonderful, but it's not all it's cracked up to be when you're not who you should be.  And once you are, the cracks in your body can have a beauty of their own.  You don't have to be young to be fabulous."

I have a friend who is close to 80 years young, who said to me one day, when I told her I was getting Botox, "I don't believe in any of that stuff.  I've earned every single wrinkle and scar on this body, head to toe."  And she is, with all of her earned wrinkles, the most spectacular woman.  Now, just to clarify, I'm not so humble that I am ready to toss the Botox, but I can tell you, the more I get to know myself, the more I love myself.  Meditaton reveals to me who I really am and Yoga helps me embrace myself, imperfections and all.  The real me is stepping forward.  Turns out diamonds are not this girls best friend, I am.

 

[caption id="attachment_198" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Happy Birthday to Me!"][/caption]

The First Chakra - Dealing With Insecurity

 

The Unbalanced Muladhara

 

"Fear drives us further into a sense of separation.  Faith leads us out of separation and into the awareness of the flow of life that is greater than ourselves." 

 

David Pond

 Chakras:  The Universal Life Force That Circulates Through Us All : Located In The Subtle Body

 

The root chakra, the one I constantly seem to be addressing, covers a wide array of feelings.  Muladhara,  the root chakra, really has to do with survival, physical identity and self-preservation.  Your body is a vehicle in which to balance this chakra, in fact, all of your chakras, each one governing different aspects of your life.  This particular chakra is associated with survival instinct and the will to live, feelings that most people have to deal with at some point in their lives, but is especially pertinent, at least in this blog, to survivors of rape, violent acts and people in general who have suffered from PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

 

  When unbalanced, we might feel sluggish and resistant. Overeating and hoarding are common as well as greediness, workaholism and excessive spending, all in an attempt to feel secure.  On the other end of the spectrum we might feel a tremendous amount of anxiety, restlessness, flightiness, and may feel disconnected from the body.  We may not like our body at all.  We may not feel like we have a right to be here, like we don't fit.  All of of these feelings revolve around this never-ending cycle of remorse and insecurity leaving us to suffer on the path of self-destruction, finding at every corner, someone who will absolutely confirm our victim-like views of scarcity. 

 

You know those feelings.  They sound something like this:

 

 There will never be enough money. 

 

I don't fit in. 

 

 I will never fit in. 

 

I don't belong here. 

 

I don't feel safe.

 

I'm not good enough.

 

I need to earn my right to exist.

 

And if we're really honest?  I'm scared to death.

 

When we are feeling this kind of energy, or lack thereof, it is easy to find circumstances that support our views and our feelings inadequacy, telling us every day how worthless we are.  We might be constantly feeling a sense of fight or flight, always feeling defensive.  We feel that deep down we are not supported.  We do not trust the universe to support us.  This often comes up on us at night when we are trying to sleep.  We have insomnia.  And while it is not the same for everyone, I find that most often people are afraid to let go.  We are afraid the universe will not support us and thus we stay up unaware of why we are not able to just fall asleep.  We feel pain, anxiety, tightness around the solar plexus, our mind races...whatever the symptom, this comes down to trust.  The good news is that we can do simple exercises to help balance our root chakra.  And when we begin to balance, we feel so much better.

 

A Balanced First Chakra

When we are balanced, we feel secure in the earth, grounded, knowing the universe is there to support us.  We are physically healthy and comfortable in our body.  We have a sense of calm.  We feel safe and secure and know we have a right to be here, to live, prosperously.  And better yet, we are able to be still.  We no longer need distractions.  We are present.  Everything seems to fall into place.  We are surrounded by like-minded people and circumstances that confirm how wonderful we really are.  Others feel safe around us.  We sleep peacefully.  We feel a sense of calm.  We are still here, same body, same house, same earth, but we are now feeling balanced, which in turn, allows us to to respond to lifes challenges maybe a little more gracefully, knowing that whatever is thrown our way, shall too, pass.

 

We've been here before:  It sounds something like this:

 

There is enough to go around for everyone.

 

I feel loved and supported by God, by the Universe.

 

I feel safe and secure.

 

I really like who I am.

 

I have a right to be here. I love being here.

 

I feel healthy and grounded.

 

I feel stable.

 

 

 

So how do we balance the root chakra?  How do we get to that place where we feel secure and balanced?  There are many things we can do such as yoga and mediation, chakra clearing, getting connected with nature and just plain physical exercise.  Any physical exercise such as biking, hiking, walking and gardening can quickly connect us with the earth. 

 

Connection with the Earth: When walking in my yard, I almost always take my shoes off and allow a direction connection between me and the earth, often lying down right in the middle of my back yard to stare up at the tall community of trees surrounding me and the never-ending supply of blue sky reminding me that there is something so great, so big supporting me that I need not fear.  I can let go, if even for a little while.  Needless to say, spring, summer and fall are great months, at least at my house!

 

Meditation is great for grounding because we are sitting at attention, but not in a rigid way, perched on our first chakra.  If we do nothing but just listen to the sound of our breath even for 5-20 minutes per day, we can quiet our mind enough, to just allow our true sense fo self to emerge.  It's as if our mind slows the chatter and we feel moments of peace and after practicing for a while, we begin to feel that there is something greater out there supporting us.  We may receive answers to questions that have been nagging us.  Sometimes I use the morning to sit quietly for 10 minutes to affirm to myself that I am loved and supported and I ask for guidance and for truth to be revealed to me in the way that God would have me see it, in the way that the universe would have me experience the truth.  From this perspective, my life doesn't seem so chaotic, so uncertain.

 

Yoga Poses such as tree pose, seated forward bend, child pose and the warrior poses, among many others, all help balance the root chakra.

 

 

[caption id="attachment_185" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Liam & Mommy in Child's Pose"][/caption]



 

 

 

[caption id="attachment_187" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Liam & Mommy in Warrior Two"][/caption]

 



 

 

 

Massage and Chakra Clearing are nice treats for the first chakra.  Sometimes I massage my own feet in the bathtub or treat myself to a nice massage at Urban Nirvana here in Charleston.  Or I go to a specialist, like Suzanne Goldston at Seeking Indigo for chakra clearing, reiki treatments Ayurvedic and other  treatments.

 

 

[caption id="attachment_184" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="Suzanne Goldston and Me at Seeking Indigo"][/caption]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting Emotional During Yoga?

 

As a yoga teacher, I am always reminding students that it is perfectly normal to cry during yoga, to feel a wide spectrum of emotion.  Today, the opportunity presented itself to me to practice what I preach.  While attending a wonderful sampler yoga class, I suddenly felt anger arise.  It felt odd in that I couldn't immediately place why I was feeling anger.  Anger, for me, comes up as a result of some judgment I've made about myself, some situation or someone else.  In this particular case, turns out it was me, the usual suspect. 

The Wonderful Effects of Lunar Yoga

 

 I was rather enjoying myself until we started the segment of Lunar Yoga.  Luna Yoga is directed towards women seeking natural ways in healing and/or maintaining health, especially in the fertile and sexual areas.  I must say, I am not too thrilled at the thought of creating any type of fertility, in the baby area anyway, if you know what I mean.  I'll be 45 in two weeks.  In addition to fertility, Luna Yoga specifically works in relationship to the lower chakras, the chakras that govern feelings such as:    

- Fight or flight which often resurfaces over and over if there is a lot of post traumatic stress going on    

 - Our basic needs including financial survival and personal security needs, an area in which I often find myself out of balance 

 - Our basic right to be here

And that's just to name a few!

  

  Self Criticism During Yoga

 

The poses are held longer than, say, a flow class.  As we were holding a deep lunge, we were told to take any weight off of our hands and fold over and let our heads hang down completely.  I found this very difficult, so I began to judge myself.  "Your arms aren't long enough Donna.  Your boobs are too big.  They're in the way.  Your hips are so tight.  What's wrong with you?  Why can't you just do it?"  And before I knew it, I had steam coming out of my ears and I felt like crying.  I had to back out of the pose a couple of times.  I finished the series barely able to contain myself and thanked God when the teacher for the last segment of yoga, Gentle Yoga, came and sat in front of the class to take us into relaxation.   

After class, I introduced myself to the Lunar Yoga Teacher, who was very sweet, and described to her the feeling that came up during that segment of class.  She said with a very kind and encouraging voice, "Wow.  Anger.  It really wanted to come out and leave."  Uhh, light bulb, Donna...Helloooo!  That statement really resonated with me.  That session gave new meaning to the phrase, "Let it go." 

 

  

[caption id="attachment_146" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="And the anger comes up..."][/caption]

 

 

[caption id="attachment_147" align="alignleft" width="224" caption="As I hold the pose, it travels right up through my body..."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_148" align="alignleft" width="224" caption="Hips! I always feel it in the hips."][/caption]



[caption id="attachment_149" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Ahh, much better. Aren't modifications wonderful?"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_150" align="alignleft" width="224" caption="Even better yet, resting the veins. Good thing since they were just boiling."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_151" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="At last, my favorite right before nighty night."][/caption]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slow Down...It's Only Five Minutes

 I know I have mentioned breathing before and I will again and again.  It saved my life.  Many years of hurtful and painful experiences cause us to hold our breath, hold in our feelings, only to come out at inconvenient times through a variety of reactions to what are seemingly harmless situations.  Everything from snapping at one person or another, crying uncontrollably, to desperate feelings of self criticism.  Certainly one way of combating these feelings is to bury them by staying busy from the moment we wake up to sheer exhaustion, the only time of which some of us fall asleep in hopes of avoiding these feelings at all.  The the cycle repeats itself the next day and the next.

I'm not sure there is any way to get around peeling the onion.  Believe me, I've tried.  I used to overbook myself with daily and evening activities that if I failed to accomplish, or even if I did manage to accomplish, treat myself, depending on my perception of the achievement or failure of that particular day, to 2-3 glasses of wine convincing myself that I just needed to relax, that I deserved to relax.  Then when I thought I was fully relaxed, I would try to go to bed, only to find my legs restless with pins and needles and my heart racing.  The nervousness I felt from that cycle brought me to the restroom with an overactive bladder and then I would just cry out of frustration.  So I would reach into my drawer and take some sleeping medication just to knock myself out, without a restful sleep I can tell you, only to do it all over again the next day and the next.  Get my drift?

When I started practicing yoga, I was taught to breath.  Feeling like I was nuts and unable to control my thoughts and calm my mind, I found sitting very difficult.  In fact, it was excruciating.  I couldn't understand how people could just sit there for 30 minutes to an hour without going crazy.  I really wanted to avoid that too.  Ge'ez Louise, my back hurt, my knees hurt and Iwas impatient.  My teacher suggested just trying to sit quietly for 5 minutes each day whether I was at home or in my car outside of a Walmart parking lot.  I asked, " What about my thoughts?  They are racing and I get angry thinking about everything."  She just replied, Shut your eyes, listen to your breath, feel the cool coming out of your nose.  Don't try to get rid of your thoughts.  They can be like little children who need attention.  Just tell them nicely that you will be back in 5 minutes to give them your undivided attention.  Then just let your thoughts come and go like the waves of the ocean.  As they come in, go back to the sound of your breath.  Your five minutes will be over in the blink of an eye and before you know it, you will be sitting for ten and twenty minutes and you will crave the silence."

And you know what? She was right.  So wherever you are during the day, whether you are five minutes early picking up your child at school, at work on a lunch break, or waiting for a meeting to take place, just close your eyes, listen to the sound of your breath...5 minutes.  I promise you, written with love and first hand experience, you will begin to access the peace you are so desperately seeking.

Partner Yoga - A Great Way to Begin Trusting

[caption id="attachment_49" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Maggie and Me Supporting Each Other"][/caption]

 

 

Partner Yoga - A Great Way

to Begin Trusting

To the right is my friend Maggie.  I'm the one wearing the yellow shirt.  We took a partner yoga class together at The Yoga Loft in Summerville, SC, one of the most wonderful, intimate studios in the Charleston area,where I just so happen to teach.  There is nothing quite like partner yoga.  It is fun.  It can make you laugh like crazy.  It can be a little intimidating and scary.  And it can make you cry.  It requires complete trust and vulnerability.  It requires trusting someone you may or may not know.  Sometimes it can feel very intimate. 

One thing is for sure. It is amazing.  If you allow, love will pour out of you and you feel a beautiful sense of empowerment through completely supporting your partner and encouraging her to trust you to hold her up, to be there for her if she feels a sense of imbalance, to catch her if she falls.

And the same goes for you when it is your turn to be held up, to trust, to allow someone to catch you if you start to fall.  As it is in in life, right?  There is someone for us, for each and every one of us.  They are just waiting to love us, if we will only let them. There is empowerment and liberation in engaging with another individual in this way.  And when we come from a place of love and empowerment...ahh life is so much easier. 

I realize this is easier said than done, trusting and allowing yourself to be vulnerable that is, which is exactly why I chose to write about the partner yoga experience.  My first experience with partner yoga was in teacher training at Holy Cow Yoga in Charleston.  I had been looking forward to a partner yoga class for quite some time, but when it came right down to it, I got really nervous.   I thought, who is my partner going to be?  What if I screw up?  What if I am too heavy for her?  What if she doesn't like me?  What if there's no connection?  I had a lot of "what ifs".

Various Emotions During Partner Yoga

It felt kind of odd at first sitting in Sukasana, easy pose, back to back with someone I really didn't know very well.  I felt vulnerable right away and giddy at the same time.  I thought my partner would notice that I wasn't as flexible as she was and that it may not be fun for her to be with someone like me.  I made judgements about myself that weren't very kind.  As we were guided through our partner yoga  poses I found myself flooded with many different emotions such as:

Insecurity            Happiness            Love            Fear            Nervousness            Anxiety

I remember not wanting to make eye contact, but my partner was lovely and seemed secure and confident.  I quickly learned that she was very comfortable just loving me, assiting me with her calmness, laughter and easy going style.  We both laughed so much and really enjoyed attemping the poses.  And the more I laughed and the more poses we we were guided through, the more I lightened up.  The more I lightened up, the more exhilerated I became and then a sense of trust followed and it was actually the most fun I've had in a very long time.  I just let go.  I was doing things I hadn't even attempted since my gymnastic days many years ago.  I don't know how well I did them, but it was a blast trying.  You know why?  I had support.  Love and support filled the room.

In Partner Yoga - Vulnerability Becomes Exhileration

I couldn't wait to take another class.  So when The Yoga Loft offered a workshop in the fall, I jumped on it!  Maggie was my partner.  I know Maggie loves me and we had a wonderful,  fun experience.  I think our experience at Holy Cow really assisted Maggie and I help the other students lighten up, trust and let go.  There should be a partner class coming up somewhere soon as Valentines day approaches.  I would encourage anyone reading this to take a leap and engage in this wonderful activity.  It is a safe environment to begin trusting again and oh so much fun!

  



Axiom of Partner Yoga

 - All things are interdependent

 - Touch and Intimacy are basic human needs

 - Fear and Pain are two of life's greatest teachers

 - Exercise and rest are essential for vibrant health

 - Laughter and play are life's fountains of youth

 - Partnership is based on trust and communication

 - Breath is life

Taken from: Partner Yoga; Making Contact for Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Growth by Cain Carroll and Lori Kimata

When Rage Rears Its Ugly Head

I sit here in the Marriott in Cold Spring, NY waiting for my husband to come and pick me up for one final evening with the family before heading back home to South Carolina.  I have tried to rest today, eyes shut, envisioning Archangel Raphael's green loving light engulfing my body.  It has been a difficult week.  Sometimes being in close proximity to family for more than a few days at a time can be stressful.

This week, I saw myself, yet again, facing a difficult situation with my mother-in-law.  Through her frustration with her own life, I was reminded of my own rage, my own blow ups, my own blame, the blame I have so eagerly placed on others for my own unhappiness.  Oh, the rage is still there, yes indeed.  Years and years and years of holding onto to feelings that don't serve us will come out time and again manifesting  in physical and emotional pain.  I say that as I sit here, shoulder throbbing for no apparent reason whatsoever, at least not to the logical eye. 

But this time was, at least, a little different.  Instead of continuing the screaming battle, normally followed by an abrupt exit, I remembered how my husband forgave me for my blow ups and how he held me as I sobbed in frustration at my own inability to love myself.  In that moment, thinking of him, my mother-in-law started to sob.  I could not walk away.  I hugged her and held her and told her I loved her.  I told her we just want her to be happy.  We want happiness for her.  And then we sat and talked for a few moments, at least, until we were interrupted by icy snowy wet pants freezing the buns off of my six-year-old.

I shared with her the many years of experience and familiarity, the relationship I had with rage, starting with rape.  I had never shared any of this personal information with her before.  I told her, how for many years, I was accustomed to coming into a conversation with anyone, dukes up, ready to do battle, my unique talent of manipulating men or anyone for that matter.  I said to her, "I don't want to live that way anymore.  That's not who I am."  And this rage, is not who she is.  It does not define who we are, any of us. It is a red flashing light that says, if it could talk of course, "STOP.  Love Yourself."

Even though this episode ended in hugs and forgiveness, I still find myself wanting to meditate, to love and release myself from internalizing someone elses rage, something of a common occurence not so long ago.  This comes with practice.  Lots and lots of practice.

May we all go into the New Year meditating a little more on loving, showing compassion, kindness and forgiveness toward others and toward ourselves.  May we first seek joy, in all things. May we enjoy a more peaceful, healthy and prosperous life in 2010.  Happy New Year!

It's Christmas...Breathe

I was pondering what to blog on this very special week, wondering during the hustle and bustle what message I wanted to share this Christmas.  As I was beeped at waiting in a line of cars being driven by people feeling the same rush of holiday madness turning into the crowded parking lot of Barnes and Noble, I was reminded of the 2009 Christmas letter I wrote recently which was sent out to our close friends and family members.  The following is the message I shared with so many, and now all of you as well:

 

It’s that time of year, the time of year we rush around to buy presents, get everything wrapped, packed, shipped and whatever else we feel we have to do by some unreasonable deadline we have set for ourselves.  As I take a moment to sit down to write, I take a deep breath, something I’m into these days, and I thank the universe for what she gives me each and every day, my husband, my son, my family and friends, and the endless love and support I receive should I choose to recognize it.  I have learned that sometimes the universe has a funny way, not necessarily ha-ha, of showing me when I need to slow down and quite literally smell the roses.  When I listen she tells me when a change is in order and creates circumstances in which for me to learn and grow, gently nudging me to make a new path for myself, to emerge as the being I have always wanted to be, heart open, no strings.

 

Sometimes this does not feel so easy.  It is not always easy to get up in the morning and face challenges day in and day out and sometimes I really just want to hide behind my email, hoping no one will notice my fear, my imperfection.  I go on like this for a while and then my husband Troy comes in and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me.  Or my son Liam will come and give me a kiss, and if I’m lucky anymore, sit on my lap for a while. 

 

You see it doesn’t really matter what happened this year.  What matters most are the moments we sit back, take a deep breath and allow our hearts to feel the love of our family and friends.  There were many ups and downs in 2009 leaving many of us short of breath, uncertain about the future.  So remind yourself in the New Year, just breathe.  Everything else can wait.

 

Merry Christmas!

 

With Love,

 

Donna and Family

 

Trying To Be Perfect

Yoga From The Inside Out 

 

 My yoga teacher recently gave me a wonderful book to read called, "Yoga from the Inside Out”, by Christina Bell.  I would recommend this book to anyone interested in yoga, but particularly to those who have been abused.  Christina’s story really resonated with me although our abuse came in different forms.  Her desire to be perfect led her to problems such as eating disorders and fluctuating weight.

 

How many of us out there try to be perfect and why?  If you remember in my first blog I mentioned powering through yoga poses, pleasing people to the point of losing my integrity.  And what for? I would like to share with you the following passage from Christina’s book, page 107. 

 

One day Christina called the senior practitioner from her yoga community after months of feeling stressed from running her own coffee shop, beating herself up about being a terrible boss, being rude to her customers and what a spiritual loser she felt she was.  When the practitioner was able to speak, she said, “You know, we often forget that spiritual work is not about getting perfect—this work is about being surrendered.”

Trying To Be Perfect

 

Shocked at the reply, Christina goes on to say, “I began to reflect on how through all my years of therapy, therapy training, and yoga practice I was striving to be perfect so that I would be more loveable.  I imagined that if I did enough work on myself, I would no longer have neurotic manifestations or offensive personality traits.” That practitioner went on to say that such idealization wasn’t the point.  Surrender was the point. 

Reading this passage of the book, I was reminded of how often I felt that people could see right through me, viewing all of my imperfections and that if I was just smarter, prettier, more polished, more successful, I would finally be loved, not realizing what was staring me straight in the face.  I first had to love myself. 

 

It is not always as cut and dry as, “Oh yeah, I forgot, let me just love myself.”  If you have been beating yourself up for years, loving yourself may be easier said than done.  Abraham-Hicks, the authors of, “Law of Attraction”, repeatedly suggest to us that we go out to the water, get into the boat, and instead of allowing the boat to take us downstream, we immediately paddle upstream.  And…we insist on doing it that way!  That’s a hard way to live.

Letting Go Of Resistance

 

One of the ways I began to love myself was to recognize how resistant I was to life.  I never went with the flow.  I was determined to fight my way through everything.  For years I felt exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally.  Sometimes I still do.  But at least now I am aware.  And when I get all wound up over something, I gently, and I mean gently, remind myself to let go.

 

That’s where yoga comes in.  When I am taking a class and I feel like I should be able to bend forward more, hold the plank position longer, or lay flat like a pancake in Janu sirsasana, head to knee pose, I sometimes silently scold myself for not being able to hold the position perfectly or the way I feel my body should respond.  Then I slow down take a deep breath and remind myself that wherever I am is the position that is perfect for me.  I tell myself to relax and breathe.  Am I resisting? Just breathe Donna.  Stop resisting. 

 

My teacher always says, “You’re not going to get any brownie points trying to be like Gumby.”  What does that mean?  Just love yourself the way you are, right now, today.  Be gentle with yourself by releasing any self criticism, even if it is for a few moments in the day or the hour that you practice yoga, allowing your body to just go with the flow.  It feels so much better.

Yoga: A Guide to Self Love

This is a story, not about tragedy, but about healing.  More than 25 years ago, I was raped by two young men, one of which was a football star at the high school I attended.  It was a devastating time for me and for my family.  Up until my teens I was a pretty happy kid.  I had parents and sisters who loved me and I had very happy memories of my childhood.  The rape along with some other unfortunate experiences seemed to put the nails in my coffin. 

For many years I felt very ashamed and struggled with self-confidence, self-love and security evident in the promiscuity that followed.  For years I brushed it off, never understanding why I engaged in such self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much, pleasing people to the point of losing myself and compromising my own integrity.  I took three showers a day plus a bath or two trying to wash away the dirt.  I never felt quite clean enough.

Any tragedy such as physical abuse of any kind, emotional abuse, the loss of a loved one, sickness or other experiences that leave us with a feeling of devastation, hopelessness, anger, resentment, depression, worthlessness or any other feeling that just doesn’t feel good need no longer keep us from experiencing the world as a beautiful place.  The healing begins when we begin to love ourselves.  When we begin to experience ourselves as loveable, the label of victim no longer serves us.  The more we love ourselves, the more empowered we become.

It was about ten years ago when I took my very first yoga class.  Being an athlete most of my life, I powered through all the poses.  It was held in a gym, so there wasn’t much talk about Patangali’s eight limbed path or the emotional side of yoga.  I was just proud I could do a handstand with no problem.  Over ten years, I read as much spiritually based material I could get my hands on, including books by Marianne Williamson, Gary Zukav, Louise Hayes and many many more.  Two years ago, I took a life transition course with Nella Barkley (The Crystal-Barkley Corp), and after much time and two binders full of work , my true desires started to surface.  I knew I really wanted to serve in a way that would help people everywhere heal from emotional hurt.  I wanted to open my heart and love people and I knew I wanted those people to feel loved. 

 I decided to become a yoga teacher, a decision in which I live in appreciation every day.  It was during that time in yoga teacher training that I really began to see myself differently, to see myself and experience myself as a loving, loveable human being.  The stillness of yoga, the movement of yoga, the surrender of the pose, the quiet time, allows me to appreciate myself for who I am.  Do I still try to power through yoga poses?  Yes.  Do I need to remind myself that resistance is no longer needed?  Yes.  This blog is all about the healing power that lies within us.  Touching base with the soul every day does the heart, body and spirit good.  Please join me as we journey together to release the patterns of our lives that no longer serve us and to gain a sense of self, clarity and peace.

Namaste,

Donna Suguna Marguglio