Choosing A Practitioner

Who's Going To Help Me Heal?

 

Over the years I have seen a variety of therapists and holistic practitioners, all in an attempt to help me heal from PTSD.  Different stages of my healing process required and still does require different practitioners.  Some people may be lucky enough to have one practitioner through their entire healing process.  Some may prefer just one.  I find it useful to work with different people based on their professional as well as their life experience.  However, it is not always easy to discern the level of empathy, compassion or integrity of some practitioners until there has been a face to face meeting and sometimes  it takes more than one.

 

How Do You Feel When You Are With Your Practitioner?

 

Recently, I visited with a practitioner who seemed to have quite a bit of business flowing his way.  He worked in a beautiful location surrounded by absolute serenity.  I was a little apprehensive because every time I stood in the same room with this man, I felt a little tightness in my chest.  I did not know why.  He seemed nice and very knowledgeable, so I chose to ignore my feelings.  I made an appointment with him anyway and was looking very forward to relaxing and allowing him to work his magic hands on me.  

I filled out a standard form regarding medications and general information this type of practitioner would be looking for, going against my instinct which told me not to expose myself, not this time.   One thing I noticed right off the bat were some pretty hefty promises about how I would feel later that evening.  But there I was, and the session began.  Beautiful music.  Beautiful surroundings.  Not a word.  Ahhh...relax, I told myself.  You're all in a tizzy about nothing, right?   I wish.

 

When A Practitioner Goes Outside Their Field Of Expertise

 

After the session, he wanted to speak with me about what he noticed.  When he started speaking, I finally got what my instinct was trying to tell me.  Judgement.  That's what I was feeling.  I felt like I was being judged.  And the more he talked, the tighter my chest grew.  He was talking to me as if he knew my life's story, delving into very personal space, space I was not ready to share with him, space and history which he knew absolutely nothing about.  It went on and on.  More judgement about my life and how I should feel and what I should do, how I should speak when referring to my own life experiences.  By the time I left, I felt so unempowered and so small.  And there he was, thinking he did me this huge favor.  He cured me! His ego was so big, he didn't even realize how what he said and how he said it might have affected me. 

And this is the problem I have noticed from time to time with practitioners.  They step outside of their expertise into areas they know nothing about.  As a result, the client walks away wondering what just happened.  Sometimes people who work in the healing arena have not cleaned up their own stuff.  They've helped a few people.  They might have a little following and bam!  They've got a deity complex.  Never having completed the inner work in their own lives, they set out to heal others, but the ego has grown too big and gets in the way of the true talent that awaits them.

 

What To Look For In A Practitioner

 

1.  Got instincts?  Listen to'em.  If you are feeling like you may not be a match, keep looking.  There is someone out there just for you.

2.  Check with other practitioners in the area.  Most practitioners will not bad mouth other practitioners, but you can get a sense of what type of person you are about to see.  If the practitioner you are about to see is well  respected in his/her field, most of his/her colleagues will gladly recommend this person.  It is useful to check with several other people in a similar field.

3.  Check with past clients, if you happen to know any.  Poke around.  Ask questions.  You will get a good idea whether the practitioner might be a good fit for you. 

4.  When you finally do see someone, check in with how you feel.  Do you feel empowered?  If not, keep looking.  They may have a great deal of talent, but may not be  right for you. 

5.  You'll know when you've hit the jackpot.  That little voice tells you, "This practitioner is working from his/her highest good."  You'll know it because you'll feel it.  Never minimize your feelings.  Your heart always tells you the truth.

 

If you have any useful tips on finding a good practitioner, please feel free to share below.

 

 

Emotional Healing: Gifts From My Child

The Love of My Child

    

  

[caption id="attachment_260" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Liam at the ripe earthly age of 7"][/caption]

 

We celebrated my son's 7th birthday this weekend.  The day before his birthday, I picked him up from school and on the way home we had this conversation:      

          

Me: Did you have a wonderful day today?          

My Son: Yes.  We celebrated my birthday in class and had cupcakes.         

Me:  That sounds like fun.          

My Son:  Hey mom, when we're in the spirit world together, did you know we will always stay young and we don't have booboo's, and there's no blood and we just get to be together and be happy?          

Me:  Wow, that's wonderful.          

My Son:  You and me and dad will be together forever.          

Me:  I'm so glad you picked me as your mommy.  I love having you as my son.          

My Son:  Me too.  And dad too.  We will be a family for lifetimes mom, over and over and over again because I love you so much.  I will be born over and over and I will get to be with you and dad.          

Me:  I'm so glad.  You know why?  Because you are the most wonderful boy ever, ever, ever and I love you so much.  You're so fabulous.  I hope you are born to me over and over.          

My Son:  I'm so glad you said that mom.  I was hoping you would say that.   

 

And I thought to myself : "He knows we have been together before, in another lifetime."              

    

Children Understand Living Yoga

        

                 

My child never ceases to amaze me.  So loving and so kind.  His father and I show him lot's of affection every day.  We cuddle, we play, we talk.  We talk a lot.  I introduced Liam to yoga a couple of years ago.  He loves it.  Yoga inspires him and encourages him to be creative, connected, loving, respectful and compassionate toward others, toward animals, toward life.  He has reverence for life.  I watch him intently to learn from him, Satya, truth.  In fact, I absorb everything he has to teach me about the yamas and niyamas.     

         

One day, we were planting flowers.  We planted a miniature Magnolia.  After we were done padding down the soil, he hugged the tree.  I said, "That's so nice Liam."  His reply, "I know they need water, but they need love too mom, to help them grow", and then proceeded to go around and touch everything we just planted to show that he cared.           

           

I don't mean to toot my own horn here, but he is a great kid.  He still wants to get dirty, play baseball and fantasize about being some army soldier who saves people from exploding bombs, or being a fireman who saves people from burning buildings. There is a balance.  He practices, quite naturally, the art of balance.  He doesn't have to think about it. 

  

 

Children Understand the Power of Forgiveness 

   

        

If one of his friends hurts his feelings, we talk about it, and no grudge is held for long.  He forgives and moves on.  Again, I watch and learn.       

        

When I asked him what he wanted to eat for his birthday dinner, he said, "I don't want to eat a lot of junk food mom, except cake.  I like healthy food.  It just feels better to me."       

        

        

What's not to love?  What's not to learn?  It seems every day I gain a healthier perspective and my heart just grows bigger and bigger.    

   

[caption id="attachment_268" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Showing me how to be "Flexible""][/caption]

        

         

         

         

          

          

 

 

        

Healing and Cleaning Up Relationships

 

I attended a wonderful yoga therapy workshop recently with Doug Keller, a yoga therapy expert.  There were twenty-plus students in the room on the first day and it was warm and almost musty as we began working through the first series of poses.  Normally I would be so focused on what foot to bring forward,  what arm to raise or the fact that I actually need to breathe, but there was something else in the room that caught my eye. 

I noticed a face across the room that vaguely resembled that of someone I used to know, someone I was very close with a long time ago.  As we grew apart our painful relationship ended.  I quickly dismissed the idea that it could be her, as sometimes this world just seems so big.  I went back to focusing on my breath, one asana, two, and  there she was again, perhaps a slightly heavier version of her.    I am always second guessing what my eyes see since at the ripe age of 40, I suddenly needed glasses to read a menu or a sign on the road.  But my mind started to wonder, what if it is her?

 

Reacting to Old Pain

 

Several years ago, I wouldn't  have stood in the same parking lot with an old friendship gone sour, let alone sit in a seminar face to face as the hours, no doubt, pass with increasing anxiety.  But the thought of her being there did not send off the usual alarm in my solar plexus.  I did not feel scared or nervous at the possibility of her presence.  Instead, as I looked at this old stranger, I felt compassion and asked that the universe send her love from across the room.  I felt no discomfort whatsoever.  I just kept sending her love.  I thought to myself, "Self, whatever the universe is bringing to your attention, embrace it.  Let it be. There is something of value here."

After class, the woman disappeared so quickly, I was unable to approach her.  The next day, she did not return.  I asked to see the class roster and there was no one by her name in class the evening before.  I learned something about myself that day.  One, my eyes sometimes deceive me.  Two, my heart does not.  My heart tells me the truth every time.  My heart was broken a long time ago, but it is on the mend now, so feeling the need to defend my position in life or who I am no longer has a choke hold on me.  I was prepared to just let things be.  If it was her, I did not want her to have to defend who she was or is now.  I was prepared to accept her just the way she was, having a complete understanding that everyone is in a different place and needs to experience, without my opinions, whatever it is they need to experience.  I was, so they say, unattached to my own ego and the outcome.  While I have not come to perfect this craft, it was wonderful to experience this weekend.

 

Practicing Yoga and Meditation Helps Release Old Pain

 

Although sometimes it can be extremely useful to speak to old friends or family members whom we have hurt or who have hurt us, it is not necessary in order to clean up the relationship and release painful feelings.  It does, however, require honesty with ourselves and honesty with the universe, with God.  Sometimes, if it is too uncomfortable to speak with someone directly or the circumstance to communicate face to face do not present itself, we can ask the universe to lift the burden of pain, to release us from thoughts and feelings that bind us to our past, the thoughts that no longer serve us.

Practicing yoga and meditation helps us to become more clear about our lives, our pain, and provides us a space with which to forgive ourselves, forgive others, and release old pain.  In turn, we make room for a new path, a path of compassion, love, a good feeling place in our hearts that is no longer bound by the pain of our past.  We are able to clean up our relationships with ourselves and with others.  And we are free to love again.  We are free.