How Words Affect Us
After teaching an evening class the other day, one of the students talked with me a bit after class. She talked with me about healing. Healing her relationships, healing herself, and as she told me the story of her own evolution, she reminded me exactly how much words can hurt, but more importantly how they can heal.
Many years ago, in my teens, I had sex with a boy. It was my first time. Due to the unfortunate timing of these circumstances, I was labeled "SLUT" of the school. I remember one particular girl who stalked me every single day, waiting to corner me to shout at the top of her lungs so everyone with in miles would hear, "SLUT!!!!" I was scared to death of her. Even though I knew intellectually that it was not true, I began to internalize the words and fear wrapped itself around me choking my voice, my heart. I could not find my voice at the time and so tried very hard to shrink away so no one would see me. I did this for many years.
What Words Are We Using?
When I finally did start speaking up, words of anger came out. I spoke words of anger for years. It didn't feel good. I always felt like I was sticking my foot in my mouth or speaking up at the wrong time, again just wanting to shrink away. My saving grace were the kind people I met along the way. People who were balanced, loving people. The kind of people who were gentle with me, who helped guide me to a better place through beautiful words, loving thoughts, and tremendous patience. I learned how to speak gently to myself. I learned slowly how to be kinder to myself, how to love myself. I am still learning and growing so much, slowly finding the voice that helps me create healthy boundaries.
When I started practicing yoga, I became so much more aware of my words. Learning about the Yamas and Niyamas has taught me to be kinder toward myself, and in doing that I am also kinder toward others. One particular Yama, Ahimsa, is another name for truth or love. The general meaning is non-violence in thought, word, deed or action. When a little gossip sounds like it could be interesting, I ask myself now whether I really want to engage if such talk will result in unloving thoughts about someone. The answer is no. So I will take a more diplomatic approach, excuse myself if necessary. If I am having a bad hair day, and I curse about something, I check in with my body, my heart, and observe how I feel. When what I am speaking or feeling feels ugly, then I know it is time to sit quietly, breathe, and speak kindly to myself. When I take the time to check in, no matter what has happened in the past, I know all is well. You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.
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